I declined to attend the expensive destination wedding, but I think the bride expects me to plan a stagette!
A friend of a few years is having a glorious destination wedding in Europe. It's a second wedding for her, and she and her beau have been living together for 9 years--but now that they've finally decided to tie the knot, they're going all out. I was invited to attend the ceremony as a guest, but had to decline for two reasons: 1) there was no way I could afford the time off work to spend a week in Tuscany, Italy and 2) I'm entering year two of fertility treatments and all my financial resources are being invested in that!
I have accepted the invitation to attend her reception once she's back from Tuscany, and am planning a generous gift.
Now here's the dilemma: The bride dropped hints that led me to believe she was expecting a stagette party of some kind here in our town. I know that her life-long friends back in her home town are throwing a stagette (I was also invited, but again, declined because of my medical status and the $$ requirements for travelling to another state).
What's the etiquette regarding throwing some kind of party for the bride when you've been invited to attend other events, but chose to decline? The bride seems to be expecting something here in this town, and I'm terrified her feelings will be hurt if I don't host something. My financial resources are absolutely tapped out with my fertility treatments--I don't have the cash to take myself out for a cup of coffee, let alone chip in on the costs of a bachelorette party. And emotionally--the last few months have been a roller coaster of stress and disapointment--I just don't feel up to organizing a party! I'm a horribly shy person to begin with, and I barely know the other women she is friends with in this town. The thought of trying to gather a bunch of virtual strangers together right in the middle of another fertility treatment cycle is overwhelmingly stressful!
I know that a friend's wedding is a time to go the extra mile and do something nice, but in my case, is it acceptable to merely take the bride out for a nice lunch, just the two of us, before she leaves, so I can personally wish her all the best for her new marriage? Am I being a terrible friend for not digging deeper (into my wallet as well my emotional reserves) to make a party happen for her?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
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Re: I declined to attend the expensive destination wedding, but I think the bride expects me to plan a stagette!
[In reply to]
Dear Intowngal,
All prewedding parties are optional and she shouldn't expect anyone to host one for her. So, please don't feel obligated to host or guilty for not doing so. It is her wedding, she has decided to spend her money on this. But, that doesn't obligate others to do so as well.
The reception is not a gift giving event. The wedding is. Most of us give anyway. But, these, and all other gifts, do not have to be expensive.
Re: I declined to attend the expensive destination wedding, but I think the bride expects me to plan a stagette!
[In reply to]
THANK YOU! Phew! I feel better -- like I can just relax and mark this wonderful new phase of her life by a quiet lunch between us and then celebrating with her at the reception once she comes back from Tuscany a married woman.
I declined to attend the expensive destination wedding, but I think the bride expects me to plan a stagette!
