I have a couple questions in reference to my bestfriends/soon to be Aunt's Bridal Shower. Yes it's a little weird, my best friend is marrying my young Uncle. Her Sister is the Maid of Honor and believes because of this title she is in charge of making all of the decisions for the bridal shower. I was included on the decisions until I disagreed with the amount she was going to ask the rest of the bridesmaids. My mom and younger sister is also in the bridal party which means my mom pays double of the amount she wants. She and The MOB have already picked the venue of the shower which is a banquet hall with a cost of $37.50/pp. I disagreed on this hall because I knew it would be out of the budget for my mother. The MOH then asked her mother (the MOB) if she would help with the shower so she could throw it at that hall. She agreed. Everything was fine until the number of guest started being discussed and it was reaching over 50 people the amount I thought should be the limit. The hall itself has a minimum of 40. The MOH wanted to start raising the price for the other bridesmaids to put in from $200 to $250 not including the bridal party gift. I myself was going to put in extra. A blowout happend after the disagreement and I was pushed aside from making any more decisions for the shower. So now not only does my mother and I have to put in a total of $750 plus put in more if we want to go in on the bridal party gift, we don't have any kind of input. We were thinking of discluding ourselves completley from the Banquet Hall shower and doing our own thing for the bride and getting our own gift. Would this be ok to do being that the brides family has not considered our finances and are being unreasonable? I have tried to deal with the MOH and the MOB but they wont even talk to me they have another bridesmaid(the sister in law of the Bride) calling to tell us the details and saying when we agreed to be apart of the bridal party we should have anticipated spending over $300 a piece and we have enough time to save up for it (The shower is in late March). I just don't know how to handle this anymore without hurting my Bestfriend and My uncle! Please help!
(This post was
edited by LLM92582 on Jan 25, 2006, 9:13 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 25, 2006, 2:55 PM
Post #2 of 4
(906 views)
Re: [LLM92582] Best Friend of the Bride!
[In reply to]
Dear Being Bullied,
No this is not normal or polite behavior. You and your mother are not responsible to pay for any shower. This cannot be demanded of you and should not be expected. She is wrong to think that you should have expected to pay that much. For heaven sake, do they actually think that it is appropriate to treat others this way?
If the bridesmaids choose to cohost a wedding shower, they all have to agree to the costs and the date. Not all of them have to cohost. Some may not want to and some may not have the funds. This is nothing that should be held against them.
Please send them to us or give them a good etiquette book. They are doing everything incorrectly.
Family is involved in this case because the sister is in the bridal party. This is fine. But, her mother should not. Things can get ugly when mothers are involved and this is a good example of that. Mothers should not be involved unless the bride is from out of town and even then it would have to be done with ultimate care to appear appropriate.
And, to have a guest list over 30-35 is too many. Bridal showers are supposed to be a small intimate affair to help guests feel as if they are a part of the wedding planning process. This won't be possible with this type of shower.
I don't know how you can bow out without hurting your friend or uncle. But if it were me, I'd be honest. I wouldn't attend or contribute to the mega shower, because it is not proper and they are behaving in a greedy fashion. Plus, I would tell my friend why in the most tactful way possible, probably over a bottle of her favorite wine.
This is your choice how you will handle this situation though. You may host a small shower yourself and invite whom you wish, but only those attending the wedding. This doesn't have to be elaborate or fancy. Then again, you don't have to do anything.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Best Friend of the Bride!
[In reply to]
Hi! Thank you so much for your response. My mother and I have decided to do our own thing for the Bride. Not another bridal shower but maybe take her out and make the day about her. We will just go in together and get our own gift for her off her registry. We have not yet told her family about our decision but did talk to the bride about it. I still have not spoken to her since my mother told her the news that we were going to do our own thing for her instead of being apart of her other bridal shower. I don't really know how she has taken the news. I'm sure she is upset that things have not gone smoothly being that it is suppose to be a nice time for her. I don't think there was any other way to go then to remove ourselves from the bridal shower and do something ourselves. I don't know where to go from here but wait and see if she still wants to talk to me. If not I guess I have lost not only my best friend but my Uncle as well. Thanks again for your imput it made us feel alot better about our decision.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 26, 2006, 5:28 PM
Post #4 of 4
(890 views)
Re: [LLM92582] Best Friend of the Bride!
[In reply to]
Time has a way of smoothing things over. What the sister and her mother were doing was not nice or polite. And, I'm sorry that you had to go through it.
Hopefully you won't have to wait until things blow over. Hopefully this will be just a little blip. I sincerely hope so. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Best Friend of the Bride!
