Hi, my best friend is getting married and I am one of her bridesmaids. I got engaged before she did, and asked her to be my Maid of Honour. When she got engaged she asked me to be her bridesmaid, and I very happily said yes. Now, after I have spent nearly $1000 on her wedding, and done more planning than any of the other bridesmaids, I asked her who was going to be MOH as the wedding is only a month away. She lied and told me that one of the other girls had just "taken" the position, as if she had no choice in the matter, but that she was still my best friend and that she didn't want to hurt my feelings. When I spoke to her again, I told her how hurt I was that she hadn't asked me to be MOH as I had asked her, and that I was angry at the other girl for just assuming that she was MOH. I then forced it out of her that she had actually asked the other girl to be her MOH, and felt like a royal idiot for going on about it. I am hurt about not being asked, but I feel even more hurt about being lied to and patronised. By the way, I moved interstate to be closer to the bride for her wedding, and have also lost over 20 kgs. She gave me such a hard timeabout my weight when I was trying on dresses that I cried for days. It just seems that I thought much more of our friendship than she ever did. I have also been battling with severe depression, and the only time I have gone out in the last few months is when she needed something for the wedding. She doesn't seem to care how much I have done for her through such a hard time in my own life. I feel like pulling out of the wedding but don't know what to do.. any suggestions?
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Nov 10, 2006, 9:59 AM
Post #2 of 3
(842 views)
Re: [erinopopolous] Bride lied about MOH
[In reply to]
As for the wedding etiquette piece of this, I won't make any suggestions. Although if your friendship has deteriorated throughout this whole experience, or isn't what you thought it was, then I believe you should feel okay about removing yourself from the wedding party if that is what you want.
For me the red flag and the more important issue is your depression and your own health. I also get concerned that you were so willing to compromise your own life to accommodate to your friend's needs, ie. by moving to be closer to her during this time. This would explain your absolute disappointment, given the sacrifices you were willing to make, but more importantly, I would ask yourself why you were so willing to do that in the first place? I would strongly suggest that if you are not already seeing a professional, that you seek one out and get some help for your depression. The wedding is merely an occasion and perhaps the circumstances are serving as a catalyst to get you to the point of recognizing that you could really use some support right now. Your health is what is most important here and once you get that in order, you will go on to make friends that deserve you and will respect you and recognize the value of your friendship. Do Take Care and most importantly, Take Care of Yourself!!! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Nov 11, 2006, 3:43 PM
Post #3 of 3
(819 views)
Re: [erinopopolous] Bride lied about MOH
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more.
Please also note that asking someone to be a MOH isn't reciprocal. She had her own reasons for this and is not a reflection on her feelings for you.
Bride lied about MOH
