Well I have had my bridesmaid chosen for awhile and I am happy with all of them.
I recently started to think of hair and makeup and started to worry about one friend I have who wears ALOT of makeup. I recently stood in another wedding with this girl as one of the bridesmaids and the bride was worried about her makeup. She actually paid for all of her bridesmaids to get their makeup professional done so she would not have to worry about it. Well, after we got our makeup done, this girl went into the bathroom and applied THICK black eyeliner over top and coats of mascara. In the wedding pictures, she obviously stands out the most now. The bride said she had people coming up to her on her wedding days asking "Who is the girl with all the makeup" and such. She also said she hasnt put any of the bridal party pics up around her house because she feels this girls makeup ruined the pictures.
Now, after considering this, I decided to make it a general rule that I wanted my girls to have natural looking makeup. I knew this girl would take it personally so I sent her a personal message stating that I do like her makeup, but think that she will stand out the most if she does it as usually, and it being my day, I would prefer if she go more natural. Basically, just go easy on the eyes. I tried to be realy nice and never said anything negative but tried to put it on me jsut being paranoid about not standing out enough.
Well she was really mad and said that her makeup is a part of her and that she doesnt think she could stand out more than me on my wedding day. She also went on to say that she has issues with makeup due to her upbringing (was strike and she couldnt wear makeup) and that's why she wears alot now. I said I understand this and would never presume to tell her how to wear her makeup, but it's my wedding day, and I think that it is a small request. I mean, it's only one day out of a tons for her, but this is my one day to get married. I'm not asking her to cut her hair and dye it blue, just wear less makeup.
Now it's not even about the makeup but that she cant do me a favor such as this on my wedding day.
Am I being unreasonable? I'm not asking her to wear none, just a little less. I even said, "Not such thick black eyeliner" I thought that was pretty simple. She pretty much already told me that if I stand by my natural makeup request, she doesnt want to be in my wedding part.
Any advice? She is a good friend (well i really thought she was and that's why i didnt think she would make a big deal of this).
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 20, 2007, 9:26 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 20, 2007, 9:36 PM
Post #2 of 5
(605 views)
Re: [Kittygirl] Bridesmaid wears a lot of makeup
[In reply to]
You knew she wore a lot of makeup when you asked her to be a member of your bridal party and asked her anyway, even with the past wedding experience. All you can do now is to ask her to tone it down. But, you cannot control her.
How would you feel if you were asked to lose a few pounds, color your hair, asked to refrain from wearing your eyeglasses? I know I would feel like I was being told that the way I normally look is unacceptable or unattractive. I would be insulted. I can understand why your friend is so upset. You've clearly insulted her. If you still want her as a friend, and a bridesmaid, you should probably have a discussion with her privately and gently apologize. Decide which is more important to you, her friendship or having a bridesmaid who wears a little too much makeup. And, just for the record, I'm finding it difficult to believe that this woman could have ruined anyone's wedding pictures. Ruined? That's pretty harsh.
I hope you can work this out and save your friendship. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 20, 2007, 9:38 PM)
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Sep 21, 2007, 10:08 AM
Post #3 of 5
(592 views)
Re: [Kittygirl] Bridesmaid wears a lot of makeup
[In reply to]
I agree. Have you chosen your bridesmaids because they are your accessories, or because they have loved and supported you through your life? Asking them to change something that is fundamental to their identity is asking them to change who they are and is more than they sign up for when they agree to stand up for you as a member of your bridal party.
You've hurt a good friend's feelings - she is right. No one can possibly stand out more than you on your wedding day. If I were in your shoes, I'd claim a "bride moment", apologize to my friend and remember what the day is about - love, friendship and family. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
MakeupMichelle
WEDDING MAKEUP ARTIST
Sep 21, 2007, 11:53 AM
Post #4 of 5
(585 views)
Re: [Kittygirl] Bridesmaid wears a lot of makeup
[In reply to]
I understand your concern, but agree with the rest of the replies. Its not worth losing a friendship over. I have been a bridesmaid, twice, the second being the last one for me. I couldnt stand all the emails from the bride about every little thing.....wearing control top panty hose, so we looked slim, making sure that we all wore the exact same pair of shoes ( it was a floor length gown!) So, I would imagine that this didnt go well with your friend. I look at it this way, anyone that tries in vain to outshine a bride at her wedding, just looks bad. Maybe in a few years she will regret the Amy Winehouse liner, and have a good laugh. Most photos that I have seen from a wedding, are not very sharp in detail, a lot is lost in the flash of the camera. So thats a good thing. Nothing to lose sleep over, its your big day, enjoy it, and laugh!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 21, 2007, 11:55 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 21, 2007, 12:00 PM
Post #5 of 5
(580 views)
Re: [Kittygirl] Bridesmaid wears a lot of makeup
[In reply to]
I completely agree. When we choose our attendants we accept them as they are. Looking at your pictures, even if her makeup stands out a bit, you will be looking at her as she is. This is the person you care about, not someone you asked her to pretend to be for a day. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Bridesmaid wears a lot of makeup
