I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. When the bridesmaids were announced, I started an email chain betweeen all of us to get things moving so we could all get to know each other and plan. In that chain, I asked on a few occasions if we could set budget expectations up front, because that always seems to be a sticking point with bridesmaids. And I am on budget constraints, but still want to make this really special for the bride. I was basically met with silence each time.
Given that I am not located near the bride or any event, I am required to fly to make it to anything. I made the decision to attend the bachelorette party weekend rather than the bridal shower - part of that decision was due to the lack of girls going to the bachelorette and I wanted the bride to feel like she had a good mix at both and I knew I could not afford tickets to two events plus a wedding. During the bachelorette party, the three bridesmaids who attended split the costs - dinners, drinks, and a spa day. This was fine by me and I thought my part was done. Also important to note that I mentioned twice to the bridesmaids that I thought we should settle on who pays for what in these types of situations, but I'd still like to do something for the shower even if I could not attend. Again, met with more silence.
Then, I get an invite to the bridal shower the title 'hosted by the bridesmaids'. This had been thrown around before, but I was unaware that this had been decided on and was unclear what the expectation should be for me. Since I know the MOH and her family well (and they are hosting the shower at the MOH's home), I called to see what may be lacking and uncovered that decor was still in the air. I called a local florist and am having four vased bouquets sent to the home. I am getting the impression I may have made some of the girls upset by doing this and not just throwing money into the pot, but since they weren't expected to pay for bachelorette costs, I feel like shower costs should not be placed on me - but I did what I said I would and contributed.
Have I overstepped my bounds? I really thought I was doing the right thing...
Contributions to the shower and bachelorette
