My closest friend just got engaged and will be getting married in a year. She has always said she wanted me to be in her wedding. I am not as close to her as she is with many of her other friends, so I don't know if she will ask me to be in her wedding. My dilemma is I don't think I can afford to be in her wedding if she asks. I know if I decline, she has many other people that she would want to ask because the future bride has been in numerous weddings herself.
Let me give you a little more info on the type of person she is...
We are now not as close because she has started rubbing elbows with the more affluent people in our small town. When we were both in a wedding for a friend a few summers ago for our financially privilaged friend, my friend constantly dropped hints that I needed to buy presents for all the showers and engagement parties and how rude it would be not to. She also made it clear what type of clothes I needed to wear to all the parties, so I went out and bought new outfits. That particular wedding cost me about $1400. This one will be considerally higher since her maid and matron of honor are planning a lavish bacholerette party in Mexico which will cost no less than $700, and the bride expects me to be there. The future bride knows that I am financially strapped. And I'm sure she will expect the same from me for her own wedding since she made it clear to me how I should do things for our friend's wedding.
I have been a bridesmaid in 5 weddings and in my experience, I have lost touch with all of them after they got married. Frankly, I don't like going into debt just to be in a friends wedding, but what's worse is I feel that it's all for nothing since they don't seem to care to keep up relationships with their single friends after the wedding anyway. I can't guarantee that this will happen with this particular friend, but I don't have a very good track record so far.
I know she will be upset if I decline, but I cannot possibly afford to be in her wedding. I don't even know if I can afford the bachelorette party at this point. How do I decline her invitation without hurting her feelings. Is it even proper ettiquette to decline?
Sincerely,
Professional Bridesmaid
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 12, 2005, 4:35 PM
Post #2 of 4
(2364 views)
Re: [prof-bridesmaid] Declining invite to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
Dear Professional Bridesmaid,
Yes you may decline. There is no rule that says that you have to join a bridal party just because you were asked. It is costly it terms of money, time and stress. So, if asked, smile, say thank you, but no.
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
Jan 13, 2005, 3:59 AM
Post #3 of 4
(2358 views)
Re: [prof-bridesmaid] Declining invite to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
Certainly you can say thanks but no thanks. It sounds as if you feel you have been used in the past by brides who have asked you as part of the backup! Dont let this stress you out - just wish her well, and send a token gift if you can afford it. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jan 13, 2005, 6:38 AM
Post #4 of 4
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Re: [prof-bridesmaid] Declining invite to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
If this woman is indeed your "closest friend", I would think she would understand your financial situation and accept your decline of her offer without hurting your friendship.
Be sure to explain to her that this is the reason you are not accepting. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Declining invite to be in wedding party
