My sister-in-law is getting married for the third time, but this is her first real wedding. She currently had one of her bridesmaid drop out and she asked me to be in the wedding three weeks before the wedding date.
We have had a lot of issues in the past. I'm happy she is doing well and getting married again, but I don't feel as close to her as she feels about me. I do NOT want to be in her wedding. I want to watch the wedding and help in other ways.
My husband is disappointed that I would consider turning her down and is making me feel bad about my decision to not be in the wedding at this late date. She needs a backup bridesmaid. I'm not over the past yet and I don't want to be a bridesmaid.
Is it OK to turn down my sister-in-law and how do I graciously say no? If I decline, I know my husband will be upset and I will have to deal with his disappointment.
It's perfectly fine for you to decline. She doesn't need a "replacement" bridesmaid and it is pretty darn rude of her to ask at such a late date. After all, who of us wants to be the replacement, not first choice. Sorry, I don;t mean to add fuel to the fire but maybe that's a way to help your husband to understand why you may want to decline. I would hope he would want his wife to accept only if she's happy to do so and not to just fill a void. Go to him without anger and just explain that you;re hurt and that you'd prefer not to be in the wedding.
Tell your sister-in-law that, while honored (white lies are sometime fine to spare feelings) you'd prefer to be involved in a less formal way. She may need to know that the bridesmaid doesn't have to be replaced. Mention that you read this in an etiquette book. Offer to do something else, if she needs help. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Declining sister-in-law's bridesmaid invitation
