I am getting married in six months. One of my bridesmaids when asked seemed happy. I am not getting married where we live but in the caribbean.She was one of my closest friends. Then we found out that her cousin was getting married the day beofre me on another island. This has created a problem, things have not been the same. We argue constantly and i dont feel comfortable talking to her about my wedding. Her respose to the situation is this sucks! I told her if she stands in mine it is impossible for her to fly to me a few days before, fly out the day before and miss my rehersal & rehersal dinner where she would be meeting all the family for the first time. Then fly back in for my wedding on the day of. There is too much chance for error. Too close for comfort. I dont want to be worried about her on the day of my wedding. I have 2 other bridesmaids but besides the maid of honor she is my closest friend. I am considering replacing her seeing she feels obligated to go to this other wedding, she is not standing in, with my one sister who i asked my friend over asking her. What should i do????I dont want to stress over this my whole time before my wedding and on the day of!?!
What would be the real down side to her not being able to get there on time? You don't absolutely need both sides to be even or to have a certain number of attendants. If she really is your friend, why not allow her to decide how she wishes to handle this. The only real problem I could see that would really affect you is that you are responsible for the lodging of your attendants for at least two days. So, perhaps she should share a room with another attendant just in case she doesn't make it back. This way you are only paying for the one room.
But, this is your decision. You are in your right to ask her to step down since she may not make it back in time. And, we are only assuming this due to problems that arise during air travel.
Basically, if I'm reading your statement correctly, you feel she should skip the other wedding and only attend yours. While this would make your wedding easier (and as the bride, I understand that it's already a stressful time for you), how would you feel if you were her cousin?
You have to weigh for yourself the importance of maintaining a friendship either by gracefully letting her out of her commitment to stand for you or by gracefully accepting that she loves you, wants to be in two places at once, and will do what she can to fulfill that.
While the overall role of a bridesmaid throughout the planning process and the event is pre-determined, when it comes down to the actual day, she needs to walk a reasonably straight line, stand in her position supporting you with her love and commitment, then celebrate with you afterwards, again, demonstrating how sincerely she cares about you and your fiance. It's not ideal to miss a rehearsal - but it's also not the end of the world. And if she meets your family for the first time at the reception - who exactly suffers?
You have to make a choice of either being angry at her over a situation that she did not create, but rather has been asked to solve by two people she loves, or understanding that no matter the outcome, she cares enough to try and support you both. I will confidently remind you that while it seems like this is one of the worst things that could happen to you at the moment - you're going to have a lifetime afterwards to live with the impact of choosing to keep this friendship or let it go. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
I agree with the other ladies. I'd also like to remind you to consider the feelings of the woman (women) you would ask "as a second choice". Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Disgruntled Bridesmaid?
