Fear that I won't live up to brides expectations...
I have a 12-year friendship with my best friend, who is practically a sister to me. I am getting married this September, and she is my MOH. For most of the duration of my wedding, she has been obsessed with talking about what she wants for her wedding. While she is not yet engaged, I just brush it off and wedding excitement.
Now, her boyfriend has told me and my fiance that he will be proposing to her this Christmas. While I am thrilled to see this happen to her, I am also fearful. She has a tendency to be rather bossy, and I hate the term "bridezilla," I feel that she will be one. She has told me that when she is engaged, that I will be her matron of honor, a role that I am honored to be for her. But with her being my MOH, she has spent a great deal of money and gone above and beyond for me- I couldn't have asked for someone to be a more generous MOH.
She has flat out told me to "be forewarned" of what she intends to do. She wants us all to wear Swarovski jewelry (which would be at our own cost). She also told me that she wants this extravagant bachelorette party at a baseball game and casino, but that I should organize it and rent out a sky box. I was also told that her fiance wants to go to Las Vegas for his party, so "be forewarned" that my fiance needs to save up around $1200 or so for this.
I love her, but she can be greedy. My fiance and I have planned out how we want to start our married life together- paying off debt, moving to a different place, saving for a down payment for a house, and planning for a family. I don't think that it is fair of her to dictate how we must spend our money. While she and her boyfriend have been very generous to us, they did what they were able to do within their budget. My fiance wanted to go golfing for his bachelor party, and that was an issue because "it's so expensive."
All of these comments that she makes really turns me off to being her MOH. I'd love to be there for her, but I'm afraid that my soon-to-be husband (who would be best man) and I will disappoint them by not living up to her expectations. I almost feel that I would be a better benefit to her to not be her MOH, as then I wouldn't disappoint her or be a burden. I feel torn, and unsure of what I should do.
Obviously, I will have to talk to her about my feelings. But are my fiance and I being too selfish?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 26, 2008, 10:03 AM
Post #2 of 3
(288 views)
Re: Fear that I won't live up to brides expectations...
[In reply to]
None of the things on your friends "wedding wish list" are your obligations, other than buying the dress and accessories she selects. Showers and bachelorette parties are both optional. If you decide to host one it is up to you and the other ladies helping you host (if there are any others who agree to host) to choose the event, location, expenditures, etc.
Seems like you will have to have a heart-to-heart with your friend but wait until after she is engaged and actually asks you to be her maid of honor. At that time you can express your feelings saying something like, "I'm honored to be asked...you were a terrific and generous MOH for me...fiance and I are on a tight budget...certain things I won't be able to afford. Perhaps buy her a wedding etiquette book as a little gift.
Good luck and try to enjoy your own wedding planning. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 27, 2008, 1:31 PM
Post #3 of 3
(269 views)
Re: Fear that I won't live up to brides expectations...
[In reply to]
Great answer. I couldn't agree more. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Fear that I won't live up to brides expectations...
