I'm getting married in June. My one maid of honor's (I'm having 2 because I can't choose between my 2 best friends) boyfriend hates me because I'm not supportive of their relationship. He lashed out at me the one time I talked to him and acted as if the world revolved around himself. He's 18 and she's 21. Her parents, who I am close to, hate him.
I told her that I don't want this guy at my wedding because he's depressed and negative about his past. Also, he doesn't know anyone that will be at the wedding but her, and she won't be near him much with everything she has to do on the wedding day.
I feel as if he's breaking our 10 year friendship up and I'm not sure what to do. She knows that I don't want him there but thinks it's only because I don't like him when I've told her multiple times it's because of his negative attitude and because he won't spend a lot of time with her on that day.
I don't know if i should cut this friendship and let it all go so i'm not more stressed out then I already am. I don't know what to do with this. HELP!
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Aug 18, 2005, 12:24 PM
Post #2 of 3
(883 views)
Re: [punkchic1221] Fighting with a maid of honor
[In reply to]
This is a difficult situation you find yourself in. It's difficult enough to watch a friend in a relationship that you think is not good for her, and to try and be supportive of her depsite your feelings about her partner. And then you have these other complications to deal with.
There is probably more to this situation than you've said, but it seems like you're anticipating some kind of trouble or conflict if he is in attendance because he won't know anyone, won't be able to be with his girlfriend much of the time and because you have such a poor relationship already. Are you afraid he'll try to sabotage things in anyway or is there anything that suggests he'll do something erratic? Or is it simply that you just don't like him and feel like inviting them as a couple somehow sanctions their relationship? First of all, it doesn't. You don't have to approve of their relationship and won't be sanctioning it by inviting him along as her date. However, if you have reason to fear that there will be trouble and this will plague you and give you a lot of distress from here on in and especially on your wedding day, you have every reason to not invite him.
Talk to your friend again. She already knows you don't like him or approve of their relationship and your friendship still seems to be surviving despite this difference of opinion. If you decide that you simply don't want to be stressed about this anymore and can't take the chance on having him there, then let her know that this is not about her and that you would still like her to stand up for you. If she chooses not to under the circumstances, you need to respect her choice even though you may disagree or feel rejected, but this will be her choice. It sounds like you are best of friends, atleast up until now, so if you want the friendship to continue, let her know that you need to make your choice and that you will respect hers, and that you still want to maintain your friendship. If your friendship is strong, it should be able to survive this, and even if it seems like you are losing her now over this, keep the door open and it is quite likely that you will be able to resume your friendship after this is over and the dust has settled.
You need to decide how important it is for you to not have him there and then be clear about this. Not having your friend there as a maid of honor that day, doesn't have to be the end of your friendship, as your issues aren't with her. Hopefully, she can understand this should she choose not to participate if her boyfriend is not invited.
Good Luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
TWQadmin
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Aug 18, 2005, 12:42 PM
Post #3 of 3
(875 views)
Re: [punkchic1221] Fighting with a maid of honor
[In reply to]
Great advice as usual, Yvonne.
You know punkchick, there is no law that says you must invite your bridal party to bring a date so perhaps you'll want to excercise that right and not allow any of your bridal party to bring a date unless they are married or in a committed type of relationship. Just something to consider. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Fighting with a maid of honor
