A friend of mine is now mad at me because I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid. How do I handle this situation?
Background: We've been friends for years and until a couple years ago we were very close. We both have changed in this time and are not nearly as close as we once were. When I became engaged, I suddenly starting hearing from her more and she quickly asked if she would be in my wedding. Flustered I had said probably I dont know and had left it at that. From then on it was an occasional question that would make me uneasy and I gave my standard I don't know.
My fiance' and I have now decided on our wedding party and after a long consideration, she is not in it. I didn't say anything to her about it because I wanted to find a special role for her to play. Before this could happen, the question came up again and when she wouldn't let it go, I told her who was in it and that I wanted to find something for her to do. She gets mad and pretty much ignores me for the rest of our dinner. When she leaves I say I would like to talk to her later. minutes later she has called and informed me that if it's about the bridemaid thing she doesn't want to talk about it. When I say I dont want her to be mad she said she's upset.
I'm sure her feelings are hurt and I can understand that but I am so upset/angry now that I don't want her to have anything to do with the wedding. I had told her how difficult the decison had been and to me a friend would have understood and wanted me to be happy. Any advice on what to do now?
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Jul 17, 2006, 7:50 AM
Post #2 of 2
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Re: [butterfly1690] Friend mad b/c not a bridesmaid
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I see this same problem with my own daughter and her friends. Avoiding the truth, as you can now see, is not always going to save hurt feelings. You gave her the impression she was to be a bridesmaid, so, she's obviously disappointed. I don;t blame her. It's always best to tell the truth or a softened version of the truth.
Give her some time to cool down and then call her, take her to lunch and explain that you care deeply for her (if indeed you do feel this way) but were limited by the size of your wedding and family. Be truthful now - you owe her that much. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Friend mad b/c not a bridesmaid
