Being from NY, it is customary to give a cash gift at wedding receptions. When I have been a bridesmaid in the past I have been told by the bride and groom that they did not expect gifts from the bridal party b/c being in the wedding is an expense in itself. I am a BM again except this time it is a destination wedding that is costing me way too much money. Between the shower gift, throwing a local shower, the hotel, flights, dress, etc...I have already spent over a thousand dollars. The expectation is still a cash gift for a couple who has tons of money by the way. The old school of thought was that you give a gift that is the approximate cost of your plate...well that would put me at close to 500 for myself and my fiance. I dont want to not give a gift, but I absolutely cannot afford $500. I guess the short of it is that I have a hard time giving cash to a couple that literally makes 5 times as much money as me. When do we draw the line? Is one gift worth making me struggle for several months to get back on my own feet after all the expense?? *sigh* Did I mention that the wedding is also the weekend before christmas??
It is a misconception that the gift should equal the cost of the plate. There is no such rule. Plus, gifts are supposed to be 'wedding' gifts. So, it was just a regional or local custom to give money at the reception. It really isn't the 'rule'. Gifts are supposed to be shipped to their home. And, these gifts should be what the guest wants to give, not what is expected.
Your gift could be anything you wish. In fact, typically the bridesmaids may give a joint gift. You could also give something you have made, such as a custom picture album.
They may expect cash, which is not appropriate, but that doesn't mean that they should receive it.
Right, plus, if the whole, "give what the plate costs" rule were to be acceptable then how would you find out how much the plate cost? It would be rude to ask, so, this is the reason this misconception doesn't really make sense.
I agree with Rebecca, give what you can.
To all future bridesmaids - before you agree to be a part of any bridal party please consider the cost. You will be expected to purchase the gown of the bride's choice, accessories, and gifts so you may need to ask a few questions if your budget is limited. Bridal showers are optional so always discuss the plans with the rest of the bridal party or the host, if they ask you to chip in. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Thank you for your input and for dispelling the myth....I only wish I knew that before I attended all the other weddings in my lifetime :-). I also appreciate you telling me that it is acceptable to give whatever gift I chose and to avoid falling into that trap of giving what I "think" the couple is expecting. Thank you again.
Remember, gift selection should always come from the heart, not the wallet. The gifts that are most treasured are always the ones selected with the recipient in mind. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Gift Etiquette
