HELP! My only sister is getting married in August and has asked me to be her MOH. Our family situation (relationship with our parents, aunts/uncles, etc.) is not typical. My sister is paying for her wedding alone and wanted a small wedding. The groom's mother has been rather critical on most details - the number of people, food choices, family members she's invited, flowers, music, etc. My sister is upset to say the least, especially since the wedding has climbed to 180 people.
To make my sister's life easier and as MOH I have taken on planning and paying for the shower 100%. Some bridesmaids mentioned early on financial constraints and knowing that my sister wants a fun, casual, coed shower, I thought my handling all the details would be 1) a relief and 2) standard etiquette. So that is what I did.
I planned a shower in hall based on 100 people max (based on groom's mothers initial list). It is a Jack & Jill, BBQ style casual shower. I planned all the details and hired a DJ. Two weeks ago I got the updated list of guests from the mother and it has an additional 28 people, that means 2 more tables and no room for a DJ. Last week I sent out a NewsLetter to all the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen updating them on the dates and details. I also asked the Bridesmaids to vote on one of 2 invitations and one of 3 favor choices and thrown out an idea for a group gift - so they would feel included. Today I got a phone call from the grooms sister - she had a total attitude and then decided to yell at me for not including her in the planning; complain that its not a surprise (my sister knows about it & some details) and that I am planning to have the couple open gifts?! Oh did I mention she called me at work to yell at me?
Please tell me if I am wrong to have planned the shower AND paid for it (including the 28 extra people); am planning to have them open gifts; or that I should have called the sister of the groom to include her more in the details? What do I do?
TWQadmin
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Mar 9, 2005, 4:47 PM
Post #2 of 2
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Re: [Shower_Help] Groom's Family Etiquette
[In reply to]
You have done everything perfectly as you have described. Bridal showers are a gift giving (and opening) event. The reason these people are probably annoyed is that there are so many people invited that the gift opening is going to be really long. A typical bridal shower is supposed to be an intimate gathering of close family and friends, there is no need to invite every person on the wedding guest list.
Typically, the couples family should not be hosting the bridal shower unless they are a member of the bridal party. Since you are the maid of honor it is totally acceptable that you are hosting this event. As host, you get to plan as you see fit, including who you ask for help and how many people can be invited. If the grooms sister is also a bridesmaid then you might have been best served by asking her to help but there is no etiquette that states you have to ask for her input. If the grooms family wants to host their own shower they are well within their right.
Now, with all of this said, I am not sure how you intend to use this information but I am hoping it is just for your own piece of mind. Aside from the gift opening question, all the rest of the issues are moot since they have already come to pass, right. I suggest trying to patch things up with the sister of the groom, if possible, letting her know that it is acceptable, if not expected, for the bride to open the gifts during her bridal shower. If you like, you can refer her to Peggy Posts newest book of etiquette which includes a lot of wedding etiquette: Emily Post's Etiquette, 17th Edition
Lot's of great information on marriage and weddings!
Good reference for all aspects of life, not just weddings. Makes a great gift!
Groom's Family Etiquette
