I am the bride and this is very difficult for me to handle. My fiance's family has been more than a little difficult to deal with ever since the engagement. We both wanted a small wedding and his family demanded that there be six bridesmaids and groomsmen (their family members who dont even get along) or there would be no wedding. I gave in and they started being very disrespectful. The family crumbled and now says that they dont want to be in it or even come. There was then an uneven amount so we cut the grooms younger half sister who thinks she should be the center of attention. We told the grooms mother 3 months ago, but she did not want to believe it. Now its getting close to the wedding and she says that they have been talking about the younger sister being a bridesmaid to everyone they know for months and are too embarrassed to tell anyone otherwise. They have been more than disrespectful about the wedding and the groom and I waited 2 hours at the dress store for the younger sister and grooms mother to show up to see the dress, but they had better things to do. All of the sudden she is demanding to be a bridesmaid or will not even attend. We asked her to walk down the isle, wear a coordinating dress, and read scripture at the ceremony but she refuses. I thought bridesmaids were supposed to be only people you get along with and are supportive to you. What do we do?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 2, 2008, 10:33 AM
Post #2 of 5
(364 views)
Re: Grooms family upset about wedding party
[In reply to]
Dear EJ,
Where is your fiance during all of this? These are his family members and he should be telling them who you have chosen if they want to know. Your attendants are your choice. This isn't to say that we don't bend a bit and perhaps accept a family member is we want a larger wedding. But, the number of attendants is based on the formality of our wedding and the number of guests invited.
The number of attendants don't have to be even on both sides. It is perfectly fine for one side to have more than the other. So, if you have room it may be best to include this little girl even if you don't want her, because you had already said that you would accept her. Unfortunately, this was the first mistake. But, of course, it is ultimately your choice.
Re: Grooms family upset about wedding party
[In reply to]
I agree that cutting her to keep the numbers even was a mistake, and was probably hurtful to her, no matter how bad her behavior has been. Either your fiance needs to come to your defense and put his foot down, or you need to accept that the mistake was made and she was included originally, and should therefore continue to be included now. It doesn't sound like this is going to be easy either way, so I do wish you the very best of luck. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
Ej491
Jun 11, 2008, 2:45 PM
Post #4 of 5
(312 views)
Re: Grooms family upset about wedding party
[In reply to]
Thank you for all your advise. My fiance wants nothing to do with his family and was handling everything dealing with them the entire time. He does not want them to be involved in the wedding. It was my idea to include her in the ceremony, but never actually talked to his family about it. After both of us speaking with his mother, we have decided that there is no way she will be involved. His family (even the little sister) has told us that the wedding is not important to them, they dont ever want to talk about it because they "have better things to do", and refuse to help out at all with any of their financial obligations. My fiance realized that it is a big show to them and their friends who said they wanted to come to see the younger sister walk down the isle. I told them very nicely that when she gets married it will be all about her, and this is my time to surround myself with loving and supportive friends. My fiance's mom then told me that our wedding day was not my day or in any way about me. With all the grief they have caused (I could go on forever) everyone close to us thinks that we made the right decision. I know etiquette says she should be involved, but with her additude I think this is definitely an exception.
Thanks again!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 11, 2008, 5:37 PM
Post #5 of 5
(304 views)
Re: Grooms family upset about wedding party
[In reply to]
This sounds rather personal and a bit much for an online public forum. So, without having all of the details of both sides I'm afraid we'll need to end the advice here. We can really only give you the answer as per standard etiquette without all of the relationship issues in the mix.
I hope that you will all be able to come to a happy conclusion and enjoy the wedding. After all, you'll all be family very soon. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Grooms family upset about wedding party
