How do you gracefully uninvite your MOH from your wedding?
I was recently a MOH for someone who called me her best friend for many, many years. She and I planned to be each other's MOH for a long time, and my wedding is coming up within the next year. However, I no longer want her to be my MOH because she and some of her family members were incredibly rude and insulting to me, my mother, and other friends during her wedding week. I am no longer comfortable with having her be part of my wedding after her recent behavior.
I did not mind spending the money or time I did on her wedding because I really loved my friend and wanted things to be special for her. For example, I tried to make her bachelorette party elegant and fun by putting together a fancy dinner party with her other female friends and her sister in law. However, during the week of her wedding both she and her sister-in-law treated me like some half wit child, cutting me off whenever I spoke, putting me down or ignoring me outright when I asked a question about what needed to be done, etc. Worst of all, my friend insulted my ethnic heritage, something she had never done before. I could fill pages of a book with multiple specific examples of how awful my friend and her sister in law treated me, my fiance, and some other people at the wedding (like a bad sitcom), but that's not the point and I don't need to play victim.
Obviously my friend has changed over the years and we are no longer close despite her occasional campy emails. However, my friend seems really happily married and her husband seems like a decent, kind fellow. I really wish my friend the best, but it will take a long time for me to get over being treated like a doormat at her wedding.
My friend is very well defended psychologically so calling her out on her behavior or telling her that her sister in law demonstrated very little social grace at her wedding would fall on deaf ears. Plus at this point in my life I don't need to continue this friendship - I have plenty of other people who love and care about me and who would never treat me this poorly.
I was wondering what would be the best way to tactfully let her know that she's no longer going to be my MOH. I know that traveling to my wedding is going to be expensive and that she wants to start a family immediately, so I was thinking of saying something like, "don't worry about my wedding, it's a lot to ask you to travel and you're too busy right now so let's just forget about it, besides you may be pregnant by then and not able to travel at the time anyway."
Although, she has hurt me terribly, I do not want to say anything that would take away from her current happiness on being newly married (that seems like a cheap shot) so I don't know what to say and when.
Any thoughts on this matter are greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Apr 20, 2007, 9:12 AM
Post #2 of 3
(693 views)
Re: [alpen] How do you gracefully uninvite your MOH from your wedding?
[In reply to]
I appreciate your sensitivity but wonder why, if you don't care to carry on the relationship, you'll bother to lie to this person. If it were me, and I truly felt so strongly that I needed to end the friendship, I would simply write her a letter stating my feelings, wishing her all the best in her new married life, etc.
However, if you feel there is any chance of saving the relationship now would be a good time to discuss the events that led up to feeling this way.
In any event, you really owe it to your friend to be honest. It wouldn't be right to leave her in the dark - even if your comments would fall on deaf ears.
Good Luck. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Apr 20, 2007, 10:03 AM
Post #3 of 3
(689 views)
Re: [alpen] How do you gracefully uninvite your MOH from your wedding?
[In reply to]
I agree, especially because even though your speech is a good one she may insist on being part of your wedding and then you would be forced into being honest at that point. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
How do you gracefully uninvite your MOH from your wedding?
