I was recently asked to be MOH in my best friend of 10 yrs. wedding. I accepted her invitation. Last weekend while looking for dresses at the bridal shop, the lady helping us asked what I was in the bridal party. The bride to be quickly jumped in and said I was a bridesmaid. This is the first I was hearing of it as again 2 weeks earlier she asked me to be MOH. We left the shop and I did ask her why I wasn't informed that she changed her mind and did tell her that it hurt. Her reasoning is that her new MOH lives in the same city as her and it would be easier to plan things that way. I do understand that, but 2 of her bridesmaids live in different cities in Texas, I live in Bismarck, ND and the other 2 live in Grand Forks, ND so it's not like we all live in the same city as her anyways and she is having her wedding in New Jersey. It's her wedding and she has the right to choose who is going to be in it and what their part is going to be, but am I wrong to feel hurt and very angry with her? I didn't get a say in it at all and she gave me the position and took it away just as quickly. It's not that I'm incompetent. I'm one of the most organized and detail orientated people she knows and she's also known me the longest. She also just got engaged 3 weeks ago, so we haven't even started really planning anything for her wedding yet. She is not a good friend to me and this was the last straw. How do I gracefully bow out of her wedding without seeming childish?
TWQadmin
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Jun 13, 2005, 12:09 PM
Post #2 of 4
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Re: [annielynn22] How to drop out of wedding party.
[In reply to]
Annie:
You are entitled to be hurt yes, but to drop out because your friend changed her mind would be childish. I would suggest having a real heart to heart discussion with your friend, letting her know that you are hurt IF you want to keep the relationship with her. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
annielynn22
Jun 13, 2005, 1:08 PM
Post #3 of 4
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Re: [TWQadmin] How to drop out of wedding party.
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I don't want to drop out just because she changed her mind on my position in her wedding. She has been treating me with little or no respect for over ten years now and this was just the latest development in our very one-sided friendship. She never really gave me what I believe to be a good excuse for why she changed her mind and she didn't explain why she didn't tell me but just sprang it on me. I have helped her move (more than once), I have gone to see her (she never comes to see me), I was at the hospital with her when she gave birth to her son (her boyfriend was playing video games with his friends), I call/email/write her (she never calls me), she couldn't even make it a point to be at my little brother's funeral. She is constantly letting me down and telling me one thing and turning around and doing something different. I did sit down and have a heart to heart with her 3 years ago and nothing has changed. This latest stunt she pulled on me just shows me how much she really doesn't care about how I feel and I don't think I should have to go to the trouble or expense of being in her wedding if she's not going to appreciate it. Her wedding is a year away so it's not like I'll be dropping her at the last minute. This gives her plenty of time to find someone else to walk on.
TWQadmin
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Jun 13, 2005, 1:50 PM
Post #4 of 4
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Re: [annielynn22] How to drop out of wedding party.
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Ahhh...now we have all of the information.
It sounds like this is the last straw with this friend and that you aren't interested in continuing with the friendship. If you want to drop out of the wedding you can do it in a civilzed manner by waiting a few days and then writing a letter to the bride. Explain that you are sorry but you have reconsidered accepting the role as bridesmaid in her wedding. You don't have to give her any reason, if you don't want to or you can simply explain that you've reconsidered the value of your friendship after this last "event". Then be the bigger person that I'm sure you are and wish her all the best. Now you've made good karma for yourself while ridding yourself of a relationship you do not value any longer.
Just don't do this as a way of opening conversation with her; only to put a civilized end to the relationship. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
How to drop out of wedding party.
