I don't want to be a bridesmaid, but I already said yes, how do I get out?
I am hoping somebody can help me. Quick history...I have a friend of 19 years. She's always kind of treated me like dirt, but nice when she wanted something, and I always fell into the trap. Well, about 2 months ago, she tells me that she's engaged and she wants me to be in the wedding as a bridesmaid. I ask her when it happened and she tells me 6 months ago!! (I would assume a so-called best friend would tell you long before 6 months has passed!) I did as I have always done, and told her yes. Well, recent events have strongly led me to believe that she has not changed her ways, and I really dont want to be in this wedding. It is a year from now, so is that enough time for me to cancel? And how can I do this nicely without losing her as a friend? We seem to do fine as friends who dont chum around 24-7, just see each other once in a while. SOMEBODY WITH SOME EXPERIENCE WITH THIS PLEASE HELP ME!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 6, 2006, 5:44 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 7, 2006, 10:11 AM
Post #2 of 5
(921 views)
Re: [linneylea] I don't want to be a bridesmaid, but I already said yes, how do I get out?
[In reply to]
Dear Backing Out,
This is a friendship? I suppose we all have one of those types of friends.
Perhaps the best thing to do would be to explain that you have been thinking and now realize that you won't be able to be the very best bridesmaid for her. You could mention your schedule and other responsibilities. Plus, you could mention that it really isn't in your budget as well.
Normally, I would be telling you that it isn't polite to promise to be a bridesmaid and then back out. But, in this case it seems the best thing to do. You have an entire year until the wedding. And, it appears as if you foresee some emotional conflict ahead. This is not good for either of you, especially during the typically emotional planning of a wedding.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] I don't want to be a bridesmaid, but I already said yes, how do I get out?
[In reply to]
Well, I thank you kindly for the advice. But I have another question of your opinion if you dont mind.... I am not the type of person who handles face to face confrontation very well, and I know this "friend" of mine will probably get very angry with me, and likely not speak to me again. I really dont want to back down from this decision to not be in the wedding....but I know me....and if I tell her face to face I will surely end up feeling sorry for her and saying ok I will do it...so I was thinking that I would email her in regards to this situation,(seems as she never really finds the time to visit with me or talk on the telephone). That way there can't be any rebuttles to my "backing out" that I will have to answer to immediately. I know I am a bad person for doing this, but as you said before (and my mother has told me too) "This is a friend??"....and I think it will be better this way. What do you think about an email? Good or Bad??
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 10, 2006, 1:05 PM
Post #4 of 5
(897 views)
Re: [linneylea] I don't want to be a bridesmaid, but I already said yes, how do I get out?
[In reply to]
Honestly, if you don't care to continue with this "friendship" then what does it matter how/when you tell her? But, I would definitely not do email because you cannot be sure the letter and message have been received.
Telephoning would be a better option where you write a sort of script for yourself ahead of time. But, if you think you won't be strong enough then perhaps the best thing for you is to send her a hand written letter and let the chips fall where they may.
Obviously, the best way to handle this is face to face. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 10, 2006, 6:34 PM
Post #5 of 5
(888 views)
Re: [linneylea] I don't want to be a bridesmaid, but I already said yes, how do I get out?
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. Plus, you are not a bad person. Stop doing this to yourself. You have a right to do what you want to do without anyone bullying you into doing what they want you to do.
Repeat after me: I am a good person who deserves to be treated well. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
I don't want to be a bridesmaid, but I already said yes, how do I get out?
