I had to find out from someone else that I wasn't involved in sister's wedding.
My sister got engaged earlier this year. I was excited and eager to help. The problem is that my husband had to fire our brother from his position at our company, and it has caused a rift in the family. I wasn't happy about it but my brother costs us ALOT of money and really deserved to be let go (he got more chances than other employees). Also, for 4 years my sister lived near me and I was very involved in her son's life. I kept him after her surgery twice, helped him at school and was there for them. So much so, that the school generally called me first when there was an emergency because they knew I was close.
I found out the other day that my sister already had an engagement dinner, and that my other sister is in her wedding. I was hurt that the bride (my sister) didn't come to me and tell me. The sister in the wedding says I am being silly and shouldn't be hurt, but I promise if the shoe were on the other foot she would be hurt. The bridesmaid sister says it was an agonizing decision and the bride didn't want to hurt my feelings. That they didn't have the money for another person in the wedding and I should just get over it. I think it has to do with our brother. I try to bend over backwards for my family, and it seems the more I do, the more they take and don't often give back. My husband says I should be used to it by now, that my family always treats me that way and he doesn't understand why I try anymore.
Should my sister have talked to me about this, or was she right to just ignore it? I really think she feels it would be easier if my husband and I weren't there (mainly my husband). Should I give her the out, or should I tell her how I feel?
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Jun 2, 2008, 5:24 PM
Post #2 of 5
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Re: I had to find out from someone else that I wasn't involved in sister's wedding.
[In reply to]
Should she have discussed it with you directly? Probably. Should you bring it up now? If you do, it will be for you - not for your sister. Correcting her or making her aware that you are hurt (which I bet she already knows) isn't going to help her with an awkward situation, make her a better person, or (likely) make her change her mind.
She didn't handle it well, definitely. You have a right to be hurt. But she also has the right to choose her wedding party, no matter what the motivation is, so you don't have much ground on which to confront her except that you'll feel vindicated. And I'd guess that the resulting increased tension isn't going to make anyone happier.
The best thing you can do is choose how much you are going to let this impact you, and choose whether or not you can ultimately let it go. You'll be the bigger person, certainly, and you'll avoid more ugly conflict. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
agn
Jun 2, 2008, 5:47 PM
Post #3 of 5
(194 views)
Re: I had to find out from someone else that I wasn't involved in sister's wedding.
[In reply to]
I agree that she had the right to choose. I suppose I was also hurt that she had an engagement dinner and I wasn't asked because our brother was there.
I have decided to give her the out and send a gift with a note saying I understand her decision and I know having us at the wedding will be akward.
I still want to be part of my nephews life.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 2, 2008, 5:55 PM
Post #4 of 5
(193 views)
Re: I had to find out from someone else that I wasn't involved in sister's wedding.
[In reply to]
Re: I had to find out from someone else that I wasn't involved in sister's wedding.
[In reply to]
I hope all of you can get together and discuss this lovingly, without judgement. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
I had to find out from someone else that I wasn't involved in sister's wedding.
