I am 22 years old and getting married in November.We have a really large bridal party, 22 to be exact. My fiance has 2 brothers and I have 2 sisters. The oldest of the 2 are our MOH and bridesmaid, followed by the other sibling. I wanted my 3 best friends to follow after my sisters in line. My soon to be sister-in-law and mother-in-law feel as though she should be right after my sisters because she will be immediate family. This has caused a big arguement. I attempted to clear the air, however, they want to hear nothing of it. She actually cried over not being 3rd. Am I wrong for wanting 3 best friends I have known for 22, 11 and 12 years to be close to the front? This wedding planning has also been a constant battle from the get go. From my fiances' mom suggesting people to be in/out of the bridal party all the way down to the aisle runner. I feel like if I give in now she won't ever stop.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 20, 2008, 8:50 AM)
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Jan 20, 2008, 12:49 PM
Post #2 of 3
(552 views)
Re: [felicianj] Lineup/order of bridesmaids
[In reply to]
I have to admit that I'm always a bit surprised when people actually care that much about who stands next to whom and in what order but that's just me. I understand that you had a plan to include your sisters and friends in this way probably long before you even knew you'd be marrying someone whose sister you would include in the bridal party. So I get that and it would be nice if others didn't put so much stock in it or interpret your choice in a way that distressed them so much. Having said that, they do, and you're left to deal with it.
From my perspective, you have two choices. One, you can stay with your plan because it doesn't seem unreasonable, however you do know that there will be a price to pay. Or, you can rethink your order and consider putting your sister-in-law along side your sisters thereby creating a sisters/family grouping and a friend grouping. I'm certain your friends would understand as it is a family thing. At least your sisters are there and it would be harder to rationalize having your sister-in-law as your maid of honor ahead of your friends if you didn't have sisters of your own.
Another thought, is that I suppose your sister-in-law, thinking of herself as family now, perhaps feels like an afterthought, at the end of a long-line of attendants when your sisters are beside you. That may be why it's so troublesome for her.
By including your Sister-in-law in this place, that should be enough of a warm gesture for the sake of family, that you and your groom can go ahead and make the other choices and decisions about your day without more interference. If you fear that this is a slippery slope with your mother-in-law and that she'll just want more, then you can can preface it by saying that you've decided to make this change to recognize the importance of family, but want your fiance and you to make the other decisions with regards to your day.
It's not easy but I usually recommend that people do what will end up distressing themselves the least, both in the long and short term. If you do decide to make this change, remember it is still your day, and even though things rarely work out exactly the way we want, you still have the power and the choice to enjoy your day and your life regardless of some of these challenges that will not doubt come our way. If you idecide to nclude your sister-in-law along with your sisters, don't think of it as a compromise of what you wanted, so much as your decision to be inclusive and embracing of your new family, even if they have acted in a somewhat demanding fashion.
Best of Luck. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
(This post was
edited by yvonne"instep" on Jan 20, 2008, 12:56 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 20, 2008, 4:23 PM
Post #3 of 3
(541 views)
Re: [felicianj] Lineup/order of bridesmaids
[In reply to]
I agree. In the world of perfect etiquette we are not obligated to include anyone in our wedding, but if a simple change in attendant line up makes a big difference in attitude, I'm all for it.
Where is your fiance in all of this?? This is his family and you two should be together in this. So, it would be best if he speaks to his family about you two making your own decisions. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Lineup/order of bridesmaids
