I am getting married this Saturday to a wonderful man after 4 years of being together. I am happy and excited about that. The problem is that I have had no emotional support from anyone but my mother who lives 6 hours away. To be honest..everyone seems downright negative. We got engaged last summer and I immediatly started getting magazines and getting a general idea of what I wanted for my wedding. I picked my attendents well in advance so they would have enough time to get their dresses and make plans. I thought this was a courteous thing to do. I started with my 3 longest friends from the town I live in now and my FH sister. I thought that by knowing them all for at least 3 years they would be the obvious choice. Heres where the problems started: 1. I had to get rid of 2 of the bridesmaids ( the 2 that I thought I was closest to) because about 4 months into the planning they wouldnt go look at dresses, help plan, miss appointments, and would wait about 2 weeks before calling back. When I told one of them how I felt about this her response was " you'll get over it". Its not like I was being demanding with them..I just needed their emotional support more than anything. They were all different body types and finding a dress that would flatter all of them was going to be a chore and would take a while. So I replaced them with my cousin in Georgia and another one of my close friends. When I had to move my wedding up ( my granny found out she didnt have much longer and it was important for me to have her there) my cousin found out she wouldnt be able to take off for work (understandable) and the other replacement just quit calling. I still hadnt been able to get them together for dresses. We also found out that my brother wouldnt be able to get off work and he was a groomsman so I just cut out a bridesmaid position and replaced my cousin with my youngest aunt who I am very close to. Okay so now we have the attendent issue worked out. Great right? No. 2. My MOH is being extremely difficult. She is my FH's best friend (and Best Man) wife. She has always been supportive of me and FH, is a great organizer, and is very creative. This is why I chose her. I knew she would be there for me. Plus we spend almost all of our free time together. I just knew she would be the perfect choice. The problems started when she thought I started planning way too early.( Her and her hubby got married within 4 months of meeting and they both come from wealthy families that could pay for everything. I cant tell you how many times I have heard how they only had to pay for their rings. She also had alot of support. We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves and FH has basically no opinion on anything). Okay fine..I started planning it on my own and just didnt mention too much to her about it. Then I found out that FH offered to pay for her and the best mans clothes. He thought that would be the right thing to do since they would have to pay more as a couple. ( They live with his mother, both make more than we do, and have no bills, and had just bought a new boat but ok,,,whatever). I also offered to pay for his sisters dress because she has a medical condition and cant work. So now..every dress I look at ( because we still havent found the dresses at this point) I have to double the price tag. I have tried to get the MOH to pay for her dress on numerous occassions but she wont budge. About 2 months ago I finally got my MOH and future sister in law ( she was just waiting for the date to go looking) to go try on dresses. Problem....MOH wouldnt try on ANY dresses. FSIL is tall and skinny so of course every dress looked great on her. We found a dress. Everyone said they liked it. I was going to go in the next Friday to put the deposit down ( plus the extra I now have to pay to get the rush order). When we got home MOH went on and on about how much she hated the dress but was just trying to spare everyones feelings ..and wanted to know if I could keep looking. I found another one online..she said it looked too "old lady". I found another one....she doesnt want strapless. I finally just said for everyone to wear sundresses that followed the beach theme we had set. Somehow...everyone had a dress that was similar in style and floral. Only problem was that they were all different colors. I didnt care. Problem solved..until 2 weeks ago. She calls to tell me she doesnt think it will look right and can we "please please please" find other dresses that are all the same. I told her that if she wanted to change it then she had to pay for hers and she had to find them. After almost a year of looking at dresses I was tired. So she found some...problem....my aunt wears a size 20 and the biggest one was and 18. She swore that the reviews said they run big and it would be fine. We got them and in and I sent my aunt hers....doesnt fit. So now my aunt has a dress that is still different from the other 2. OH how I wished it ended there. When we were down to a month to go I asked her if she could step in and help me because I still didnt have any help. She bought me a notebook and a tanning package and that was it. She expressed opinions on a few things but if I disagreed she got mad at me. She wanted me to do everything that was done at her wedding and , God Forbid, I wanted my own wedding. 3. My bridal shower/bachelorette party. We decided to have these parties the weekend before the wedding because I didnt want to have a hangover on the big day. MOH said she started planning about a month before. Best Man said every time he turned around she was looking at websites dealing with the parties and all that. I knew she was planning it with a girl that I didnt care for too much but whatever. I found out 2 weeks ago that she didnt even call the other bridesmaid that lives here ( and FSIL) to help plan or get addresses or anything. I also found out that there were some people on the guest list I made that didnt get invites. Of course I was looking at websites too and would mention some things to her that I thought were pretty cool ( like the scavenger hunt and other games). I was pretty much ignored. Not just ignored but not even acknowledged. Well this started to bother me and FH said something to BestMan who said something to MOH. She called me and asked if there was anything we needed to talk about. I already knew what she was told so I very nicely told her how I felt left out and ignored and just pretty crappy about the whole thing. Then she goes on a tangent about how everything is supposed to be a surprise and she has doen all this planning and she feels unappreciated because she has helped me plan this whole wedding and I havent even given her credit for it. WOW. Okay maybe she has alot planned for the shower/party and I didnt realize it. Did I mention that she planned for the wedding shower location to be at the BAR that I work at during business hours? I understand the bachelorette party but not the shower. Because of that my dads family wouldnt come. My aunts are religious and wont go into a bar and my grandparents are on oxygen and CANT go into a bar. She also put on the invitation that everyone who participatd in the party would be charged $10 to cover expenses and make sure I had a good time. I told her not to do this but she did it anyways. So the day of the party arrives. I get no phone call or anything telling me what time to be there. I get there at 3:15 ( shower was supposed to start at 3:00) I thought that , being the bride, I was supposed to be a few minutes late. Everyone else is there but MOH..she showed up at 3:30 with no apology or anything. She is carrying a 1/4 sheet cake and a small box of things. There are no decoratins or anything set up. I asked her if I could help with anything and she didnt reply ( still hurt I guess). She proceeds to hand everyone tshirst then asked for $7 more to cover them. So now my guests are out $17 before the party even begins. There are no shower games or anything. There is no schedule..nothing planned. We basically sit there and chat for another hour and a half. When I opened my gifts from everyone else ( she didnt bring one) she didnt even want to write any of them down. I had to get someone else to do that. There werent many gifts because I didnt invite too many people other than my family ( I thought we would have it at her place and didnt want to crowd her house) so its not like it would have been a chore. Now comes the bachelorette party. Time for her to really show me what shes been planning and what all the secrecy is about. There was nothing. NOTHING! No games, no scavenger hunt, no dares. I knew we would be barhopping but I thought there would be something to get the party started. Finally someone mentioned an adult store up the road and maybe we could get something there. Great..I'm in. So we have a mini parade to the adult store ( it was fun and I suggest it highly). They had so many party games there but MOH settled on a deck of male playing cards...then asked everyone to chip in...after paying $17 already. And we went back to the bar and played rummy until the guys ( they were meeting us at the bar to start then we were parting ways) showed up. Someone else suggested the dares and wrote them down. She didnt do anything. We ended up barhopping and had a great time in the end but it was thanks to my other friends that were there. I am still trying to figure out all of the stuff that she planned then didnt follow through with. Not to mention the $10 thing. My friends still had to buy their own drinks and I think she may have bought me 2 beers the whole night. So I guess she made a tidy profit off of my party. 4. I still have not heard from her since then. I took the day off from work because we were supposed to go to St Louis to go shopping for everything else that I need ( and I still need ALOT) but I havent heard anything from her. Not to mention all of the centerpeices that still have to be made ( I asked her if she would help me) the bridesmaids bouquets have to be made, and just the final stuff that she knew I needed help with. The wedding is 3 days away and I still have a ton of stuff to do. Normally I would just tell her how I feel but I cant even do that, because she cant handle it. Plus her friend is making the cake and another one is DJ'ing for free. If she gets too mad then there go both of those. I really dont know what to do at this point. I want to tell her to get over herself and quit being a big baby but I cant until after the wedding. I dont want to let her ruin my day but I am at the poin that I dont even want to deal with her..let alone have her as my MOH. I dont expect anyone to be able to tell me how to handle this situation. IT was just helpful enough being able to get this out in front of people who might understand.
MOH making wedding planning a nightmare
