My Best Friend got engaged 8 months ago and immediately asked me to be her MOH. I felt extremely honored and said yes (knowing it would be a lot of work and stressful). We started immediately looking for her wedding dress. I went to every bridal store in town with her and even asked off of work to make sure I could be there for her. She finally found her dress in February and ordered it. Then there was searching for the bridesmaids dresses (which she said she wanted my input in but ignored everything I said and ordered an ugly dress that nobody had even tried on). I went to several bridal faires with her, searched for the location with her, did cake testing, met with multiple photographers, have been completely in charge of all the bridesmaids and planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party (by myself as none of the bridesmaids would respond to my phone calls or emails excepting occasionally the bride's sister). I have also had to pay for my expensive bridesmaids dress that I have never tried on, had to pay extra because I am so tall and she insisted on having floor length gowns so I had to pay for extra length, paid for my shoes, cost of invitations and everything else (I have literally paid for it all as none of the other bridesmaids ever respond). But I have tried to be patient and continue being as helpful as possible. It has been hell for the past 8 months.
Now, when she asked me to be MOH she said that she had to also ask her sister to be co-maid of honor so she wouldn't be offended. I honestly didn't care and would not have been the slightest bit offended had she just chosen her sister. But she assured me that she wanted me to be her MOH and I would be standing next to her and would be her real MOH. Recently she casually mentioned to her sister that as the one that would be standing next to her it would be her responsibility to take her flowers, give her the ring and fix her train. Then on her wedding website, she noted her sister as her MOH and I was just a bridesmaid. I am astounded! I had no idea I was seemingly replaced, and no clue why. I have bent over backwards to help in every way imaginable and have certainly done significantly more than her sister. I have also been to nearly every wedding vendor with her while her sister hasn't gone to any. I am very confused and hurt. What should I do? I would not at all be upset except for the fact that I have given more time and money than I can possible afford so she would not be stressed under the understanding that I was the MOH. What happened?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Jul 2, 2008, 1:19 PM
Post #2 of 6
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Re: MOH replaced withought being told
[In reply to]
Did you do all of that because you thought it was your responsibility as the maid of honor or because this woman is your friend? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
neverenough
Jul 3, 2008, 12:29 PM
Post #3 of 6
(244 views)
Re: MOH replaced withought being told
[In reply to]
Both I guess. I love her dearly and we have been friends for many years. I want to help her as much as I can because I want her to have a wonderful wedding with as little stress as possible. But I also felt like it was my responsibility and nobody else was helping. As stressful as it was, I was actually ok with it. But when she "replaced" me for a reason completely unknown to me after working so hard, and helping so much and giving so much of my money, time and emotion; it just hurt. I guess I am just wondering if I should now just stop doing all of the things that the MOH is expected to do and hope that her sister will take care of it, or if I should just continue doing what I have been doing until someone tells me to stop? My fear though is that it just won't happen as no one is taking any initiative and I know that would just break the bride's heart.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Jul 3, 2008, 12:43 PM
Post #4 of 6
(241 views)
Re: MOH replaced withought being told
[In reply to]
I think you've really answered your own question. Follow your heart. But, if you're really not sure what the bride wants, needs, etc, then have a calm, direct conversation with her. You never know what is going on behind the scenes with family. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 3, 2008, 2:53 PM
Post #5 of 6
(237 views)
Re: MOH replaced withought being told
[In reply to]
I agree completely. Do what you feel is right for you. If you are true to yourself, then you will always feel good about who you are. We can't possibly make others more considerate or courteous. We can only control our own behavior and actions. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
PremaritalCoach
MARRIAGE/FAMILY COUNSELOR
Jul 7, 2008, 9:28 AM
Post #6 of 6
(205 views)
Re: MOH replaced withought being told
[In reply to]
I would say that it is best for a person to check his/her motivation for any action in life. Not that this is or is not you, but a truly giving act is one that does not expect anything in return.
As said previously, I would sit down with her and talk, or at least let her know how you feel (remember not to expect anything in return, even when talking). You can ask her if her sister is going to take care of all the MOH duties because she is so now. If she asks you to continue, you might look at it as the last few things you can do for your friend before she gets married and moves on with her life.
MOH replaced withought being told
