My problem is my sister is my maid of honor and there have been issues with her putting guilt trips on me when it comes to her being involved in my wedding. She has told me that her being my maid if honor is a priority to her but then she complains about all the stress she has in her life. She actually told me to go find my dress without her because she wanted to spend time with her family at home. We got into a huge fight that day and she changed her mind and ended up coming. Since then my bridesmaid's and I have been trying to get to get the ball rolling with all of the wedding stuff. I got engaged in April and the wedding date is October 11, 2008. My other bridesmaid's have tried asking my sister if they could help to try to take some of the stress off her with the Maid of Honor duties, she has told them no thanks we have plenty of time I will take care of it. So I've told the other when they offered to help to just wait on my sister so we don't step on her toes. There is another couple that are mutual friends of my sister and I we are closer to the groom. They are getting married a week after me and they choose to only have 1 Maid of Honor and 1 best man. The bride said they wanted to do it that way because it would be too expensive to have more. My sister told me a week ago that the bride at the last minute has changed her mind and asked her to be in her wedding and she said yes. This really pissed me off and I tried to calm down before I approached her on how upset that would make me. After she excepted the other brides offer she then went from procrastinating on my wedding beacause she didn't have time to calling me and wanting to rush through all the details of my wedding as if she wanted to get it out of the way since she now had another wedding to be in. This is when I had to confront her on how upset that I was because she didn't even have time this whole time for my wedding and she on top of agreed to be in this girls wedding that she's not even close to. She just got done telling me a month ago matterfactly how she she really didn't care for this girl because she didn't like the kind of person that she was. When I confronted my sister on this she was puzzled at why I would be upset and said that she didn't see the conflict because they are a week apart and she would just have to show up when she could for this other girl. I told her that bottom line her juggling my wedding at the same time as this other girls was hurtful and I thought she should choose because I cannot take this stress. Right now my house has gone into foreclosure and I'm in the process of packing my family(fiance and two boys-2&6) and trying to plan my wedding all at the same time I really cannot handle this extra stress. I am so mad about this that I can't even interact with her that she wants to hurry up with my wedding stuff. When I gave her the choice of choosing which wedding to be in she said,"You are being immature and selfish and fine if you make me choose I'll be in yours but I will resent you and never forgive for this and we will no longer be the sister's that we were." When she said this I told her if she was going to hateful and cause me all of this stress then she could not come to the wedding at all. What is your advice I'm in tears and all of her family is in wedding party also. Her husband is my officiant.Help!!!
When we ask people to do things for us, as pretty much a favor, we usually have to let them go at their own pace. When that person is not getting things done, the way we think they should be done, the only thing we can do is talk with them gently and ask. You did this, so that is great. Really, that is about all you can do, it is very hard to get someone else to organize themselves like you are organized. You said you wanted to start getting things done and then you said, “she wants to hurry up with my wedding stuff,” so it sounds like she will help, but again, just not with the style of helping that you would prefer.
About your sister accepting the other wedding…you know it will make things harder for you, she my not really like the other girl, but I am afraid accepting or not accepting is her choice.
Most likely your sister has acted this way most of your life, so it is hard to expect her not to do these kinds of things in your wedding. I would not forget that the wedding will soon be over and you will have the rest of your life with you sister, so I would be careful in burning any bridges.
Talk with her, be calm, be nice (she is doing some or many things for you), and focus on having a great wedding and life.
Maid of Honor problems
