I asked my sister and best friend to be my matron of honor in November 2004. My fiance & I chose a short engagement. We are getting married in April of 2005. She accepted & said that she wanted to be there for me. Since then, she has showed little interest in my wedding, a poor attitude toward me and has waited until the last minute to order her dress etc. I had been asking her to go shopping for the dress but she would only squeeze me into her schedule when she was running an errand to look at the dresses. I brought up the issue of my shower date because time was passing by & nothing was getting done. I thought she would be excited about being part of my bacherlotte party but instead she complained about going to far and the costs. She has acted angry and me & the other day she finally told me that she cannot
afford the expenses of giving a shower and couldn't afford to attend my bacherlotte. She said that she has been acting out with her poor attitude because she was resenting me for the costs of being my matron of honor. I was very hurt and upset. I feel like a cloud is now over my wedding plans. My sister is also in the process of ordering $2,000 drapes for her home. I don't believe she cannot afford to give me a shower or attend my bacherlotte party but rather she does not want to pay for it. If she would have been supportive up till now and approached me about her financial situation, I would have understood. How should I handle this situation? At this point, I feel like I don't want her to pay a dime toward my wedding plans.
coach4couples
COUPLES COUNSELOR
Post #2 of 3
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Re: [Bride to Be] Matron of Honor Problems
[In reply to]
What a disappointment for you.
At least now you know what your sister's behaviors has been about. And now you have a place to work from. Who do you have in your life that loves you and supports you and is truly there for you?
See about getting a group of girlfriends together and asking them if they would be open to sharing the cost of a shower, and picking up where your sister left off.
Let your sister know that you had no idea you were placing such a burden on her and that she can feel free to participate at whatever level would be most comfortable for her. Getting her out of that spot will open it up for someone of the caliber you'd like to be there for you to step in.
See if you can feel "spared" the heartache of continued acting out and negativity from your sister, and move forward with your wedding plans from a place of joy and relief. Might as well -- since she's let you know where she stands.
My response has nothing to do with etiquette, so I'm looking forward to those experts and their responses too. Emily Bouchard, MSSW, Life Coach, Speaker, and Trainer
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
Post #3 of 3
(1919 views)
Re: [Bride to Be] Matron of Honor Problems
[In reply to]
Oh dear oh dear... families. What a pity she did not talk this through with you at the beginning - or do you think she didnt realise what the job (and honour) would entail? Now it is out in the open try to talk it through with her, and ask just what part she will play. Do you have a girl friend who would jump in and plan the shower with/for you?
Try not to let this disagreement cast a cloud over your planning, or your wedding day. Do keep in mind that your sister's anger may have been her way of covering up feelings she had about not getting into the MofH role at your wedding. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
Matron of Honor Problems
At this point, I feel like I don't want her to pay a dime toward my wedding plans. 
