I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding in 5 weeks and I've just about had it with the Matron of Honor. My best friend is the bride, and the Matron of Honor is her sister-in-law that she has never liked and never gotten along with since they first met. They suddenly became close because the sister-in-law offered to be the wedding planner for free. My friend agreed to it, and then felt obligated to make her sister-in-law the Matron of Honor. The problem I have is that the Matron of Honor has taken over everything about the wedding, the bride has no idea what's going on with most things, and doesn't seem to care. She doesn't even seem phased that the Matron of Honor has thrown out two bridesmaids (close friends of the bride) out of the wedding because she "doesn't want to put up with it." Now, the two girls that have gotten tossed out of the wedding were causing the bride considerable stress ever since they were asked to be in the wedding. However, I was also told off and told (by the Matron of Honor, not the bride) to get out of the wedding, saying that I've also been causing the bride stress and grief. Yes, I had some disagreements about certain things (like the Matron of Honor TELLING us that we HAD to get our makeup and hair done by these specific places and spend our own money on it, when the bride told us months earlier that it was up to us to get our makeup and hair done whatever way we wanted). However, every issue or concern I've had I've talked directly with the bride and asked her specifically what she wanted me to do, and we have been able to work out solutions that both are ok with. Now, the Matron of Honor has boasted about being in at least 7 other weddings and knowing everything about them, yet, whenever I ask her a question regarding what I need to do or what she needs money for, she treats me like am an idiot and wasting her time (even though I've told her repeatedly that this is the first wedding I've been in and have no idea and was hoping she would be giving us all the info we need, like she said she would). Everything I've been finding out has been almost last minute and with very little detail. She is very disorganized, and rude to the bride's mother and the bride's friends (I mean, SHE was the one that kicked out two of the bridesmaids, and that was just on Monday of this week). She sent an email to the 3 of us bridesmaids (the only friends of the bride who are in the wedding at all),cc-ing in the groom, the bride's mother, the bride, and the other bridesmaid (also family, who apparently is not a problem) telling us all off, and how much grief we've been giving the bride since we were asked to be in the wedding. I am the bride's closest friend. I was the only one (or as the bride told me) that was completely supportive of the engagement in the first place, and has done everything the bride has asked me to do. So, to get this rude and unexpected email from the Marton of Honor and not the bride herself really got to me. I called the bride and asked her why I was getting kicked out, and she said that I wasn't and not to worry about it. Unfortunately, I can't NOT worry about it. The Matron of Honor barely knows the bride's friends, but has hated each of us from the very first time we ever met her, and has been very open about it from the start. I should feel fine about being the only friend that is still in the wedding, but I've put up with a lot of junk from the Matron of Honor, and I've reached the end of my fuse. I want to tell the bride exactly what's been going on, but I can tell that she won't listen to me right now. I'm so upset with how the Matron of Honor is treating all of us and how the bride isn't even batting an eye at any of it (not even the poor treatment of her own mother!), that I want to step out of the wedding and never speak to my friend ever again. I'm at a loss as to what I should do. HELP!
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Oct 13, 2005, 4:10 PM
Post #2 of 4
(792 views)
Re: [smnoble] Matron of Honor Running the show
[In reply to]
Dear SMNOble:
The type of treatment that has gone on between the parties you have described is rude and inexcusable. I suggest that you tell your friend how you feel and let her know what your intentions are before you bail out for good. Give her the opportunity to hear how you feel about the whole situation. Perhaps being faced with losing all, or most, of her friends in her wedding party is the trigger needed to see that there is a problem that cannot continued to be ignored. Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 13, 2005, 4:16 PM
Post #3 of 4
(789 views)
Re: [smnoble] Matron of Honor Running the show
[In reply to]
Dear Last Friend Standing,
It appears to me as if you don't have a choice. The MOH has dropped you to an audience of many. You have talked to the bride to no avail. It is probably time to inform the bride that you were dismissed and verbally abused. The bride was cc'd the email that was abusive so she must be aware of the problem.
The bride is the only person who should be able to drop a bridesmaid. However, it would appear as if she has given authority to her MOH.
What you do next is entirely your choice. But, it would be nice to talk to your friend before completely disappearing into the sunset.
Re: [smnoble] Matron of Honor Running the show
[In reply to]
Agreed...one suggestion. I always like to use the words, "I feel", rather than "she's making me feel" or "you're causing me to feel"...so the recipient doesn't become defensive and the focus stays on your feelings.
Good luck! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Matron of Honor Running the show
