This requires a bit of backstory, but I am in definite need of advice. A few years ago, a good friend of mine from high school got engaged. She selected three of her friends from college and her sister to be in her bridal party. During her engagement, she had a fight with one of her bridesmaids, and they mutually decided that the friend would not be in the wedding. A few months later, she asked me to take the place of her friend, and I agreed. She had a long engagement, so at the time I was asked, there was still a year and a half until her wedding, and I was involved in all of the usual bridesmaid activities. Also during this time, a groomsman from their wedding dropped out due to personal reasons, and her fiancee asked my boyfriend to take his place (they have been friends for quite a long time as well so this was not unusual).
Fast forward two years, and my boyfriend and I are recently engaged. I have chosen my bridal party, consisting of four close family members and one close friend. I have not chosen this friend, nor has my finacee chosen her husband to be a groomsman. Being that my finacee and I were both on the "B list" for their bridal party, I do not necessarily feel obligated to have them as part of ours. My question is, am I obligated to talk to her about this? I don't want her to feel slighted, but I also feel uncomfortable assuming that she is. Is this a conversation that I should initiate, or should I let it go? Please understand that this friend lives in Boston, I live in NJ, and while we see each other when she comes to NJ for holidays, we do not talk on the phone frequently, so I have had no gauge of her feelings on this to this point.
You should never feel obligated to invite someone to be a member of your bridal party. You do not have to play "tit for tat" here. Just invite those close to you and have the number of attendants to appropriately match the formality of your wedding.
Best Regards, Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
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