The bride has chosen her maid of honor and one bridesmaid. The bridesmaid is my son's half sister, he's the groom. However, my daughter (his other half sister) wasn't not included in the wedding party. He says they aren't close but my daughter felt close to him. She's 13 and this broke her heart. I spoke with him and he says I'm over-reacting and that the decision is made. The bride has not called me on any plans, and I had to find out from my sister that my daughter wasn't going to even have a small part. I asked my son to compromise and it was met with a big NO. What do I do now? Do I drag my daughter across country to be left out? Or do I just not go, I don't feel welcome anyway.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 21, 2008, 8:53 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 21, 2008, 10:18 AM
Post #2 of 7
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Re: [ladyhayes] One sister not chosen to be bridesmaid
[In reply to]
Dear Ladyhayes,
It may be best to look at this as it is. This is their wedding. It is a celebration to share with those they love--true. But, it is still their wedding and they have to plan it.
Attendants are chosen based on the couple's relationship with them and how the couple feels they can fulfill their duties. The bride didn't have to choose either daughter. Your younger daughter may be a bit too young for the bride. Plus, the bride may only want two attendants.
Now if I was advising the couple, I would suggest that they find a small position for your younger daughter, such as handing out programs. But, they are not trying to do anything negative to you or your daughter. Please don't add any more pressure or stress to the situation.
Re: [Etiquette Now] One sister not chosen to be bridesmaid
[In reply to]
The other daughter is not mine. My daughter is a military child that has only one sibling. I have only two children and now I feel torn and hurt. I feel as though my daughter and I are nothing more than guests and are invisible in all this. I quietly suggested a small role for my daughter, just so she would feel included in some way. My son and his bride to be, have been living together for 3 years. It just seems like the old saying for the groom's mother to; sit down, shut up and wear beige. It is very hard to fly from NC to CA during the school year, but I was willing to for my son. The bride was very rude when I suggested the small role, even though I've offered to pay for some of this.
(This post was
edited by ladyhayes on Feb 21, 2008, 11:26 AM)
TWQadmin
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Feb 21, 2008, 12:48 PM
Post #4 of 7
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Re: [ladyhayes] One sister not chosen to be bridesmaid
[In reply to]
I wouldn't take any of this so personally. Your 13 year old either won't realize (especially if you stop making a big deal about it) or will get over it quickly.
I agree that you shouldn't be asking for your daughter to be included but, perhaps you can speak to your son and let him know how much you would like to be involved in his wedding and his life. Approaching the subject in that way, rather than with anger, may be more appealing to him.
Be a good role model for your children by dealing with your feelings in a positive manner. Be careful about not attending. I guarantee you'll regret that decision. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
ladyhayes
Feb 21, 2008, 1:29 PM
Post #5 of 7
(648 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] One sister not chosen to be bridesmaid
[In reply to]
I will take your advice on this. I will go, and just remain quiet. It's the bride's day.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 21, 2008, 1:30 PM
Post #6 of 7
(648 views)
Re: [ladyhayes] One sister not chosen to be bridesmaid
[In reply to]
Very good advice. I couldn't have said it better. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Feb 21, 2008, 1:43 PM
Post #7 of 7
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Re: [ladyhayes] One sister not chosen to be bridesmaid
[In reply to]
It's really the FAMILY'S day. You are all celebrating the love that two people have for one another and them coming together to make more family. Hopefully all of you will be able to treat it this way. All you can do is your part. perhaps if you set the tone, all will follow suit. Good Luck. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
One sister not chosen to be bridesmaid
