I am very close to my brother and his fiancee cant stand it. I think she feels threatened by me and my mother. She asked me to be a bridesmaid because my brother wanted me in the bridal party.
I have been made to feel really unwanted by the bride. I was told all the bridesmaids would be staying together the night before the wedding, but I wasn't invited because I was only the grooms sister, not a REAL bridesmaid.
I was told I would be wearing a certain dress, but when shown the other two bridesmaid's dresses mine doesn't fit in at all. My dress matches the junior bridesmaid - I am 20 years old.
My family lives a distance and the bride told us if we came the week of the wedding to stay she would have no time to see us because she would be too busy and that even my brother wasn't allowed to see his own family before he gets married because she needs his help because she'll be very stressed.
I feel like I am only there because of my brother. She makes me feel like im the crumbs that shes stuck with. I'd rather be on his side in a suit!
I am extremely upset because she's attacked me in the past and told my brother to 'fix' his family.
I know it would upset my brother, but I dont know if it would be best to pull out and be a guest.
I am suffering from depression and I dont know if I can handle it anymore. Is this wrong? Should I get over it and stand up one day for my brother even though I feel completely disrespected?
PLEASE HELP!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 8, 2008, 8:38 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Post #2 of 3
(668 views)
Re: Should I pull out from being bridesmaid?
[In reply to]
None of us can really answer this question for you on an open public forum without all the facts. it's just too complicated. But, if I were you, I would first contact my doctor and ask for his/her advice regarding the depression and medication. Your emotional stability is what's most important now. If your doctor gives you the green light to participate then follow the doctor's advice.
I do think you should call your brother to explain your condition and the possibility that you may not be well enough to play your role. I'd steer clear of bad-mouthing his bride, using phrases like, "I feel" rather than "she makes me feel" in order to have a non-threatening conversation. Again, your doctor should be able to give more in-depth advice regarding how to deal with your relatives.
But note that typically the bride selects only the ladies she's closest to as her attendants. So, you were selected and you should feel honored. I have heard from many a groom's sister who felt slighted because she wasn't asked at all. If all of this doesn't affect your depression then I would simply step back and fulfill the bridesmaid's duties as asked of you by the bride. By continuing to 'buck the system" you'll be validating her with your brother and possibly appearing to be the problem. That said, I don't condone her behavior as stated, but since there are usually two sides to every story I'd have to remain neutral. Just consider that whatever you do will affect your relationship with the couple in the future. Be the more mature person and do the right thing so nobody can call you out.
I wish you good health. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #3 of 3
(663 views)
Re: Should I pull out from being bridesmaid?
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. Great advice and very considerate of all. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Should I pull out from being bridesmaid?
