Siblings, Future In-Laws and Bridal Party Friction and Etiquette
My sister, 'Donna' is newly engaged and receiving pressure from our other sister, 'Harriet' to include Harriet's boyfriend, 'Craig', of less than one year in the wedding party. Harriet cites the fact that Craig's sister included Harriet in her wedding party. She seems to indicate that Craig's family would see it as a snub for Donna and her fiance, 'Derwood', to not include Craig. Harriet has made it clear that such an omission would constitute a snub as far as she is concerned.
Harriet and Craig will likely be engaged soon and Harriert has made it clear to Donna that a spot has already been set aside in her wedding party for Derwood.
It is my opinion that Harriet is obscenely out of line and is unnecessarily pressuring Donna on an issue that should be left entirely to her and Derwood. I have attempted to explain to Harriet that she is sticking her nose where it does not belong, but she tells me that since I am a man, I am not capable of comprehending these matters, and that my opinion of the issue is therefore irrelevant.
I'd appreciate any feedback on whether I am right on this. Thanks in advance.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 10, 2004, 11:11 AM
Post #2 of 4
(2879 views)
Re: [Joe] Siblings, Future In-Laws and Bridal Party Friction and Etiquette
[In reply to]
Joe:
Technically you are right, Joe, it is up to Donna and her groom to select their bridal party and it is wrong of Harriet to put undue pressure on her sister to include her boyfriend. But you have spoken your peace to Harriet; now leave it at that. I understand that you are trying to help your sisters and keep family peace but I would steer clear of the situation and allow the bride and groom to make their decision and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe Donna will decide that she will include Harriet's boyfriend and al will be well. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
Jul 10, 2004, 12:07 PM
Post #3 of 4
(2873 views)
Re: [Joe] Siblings, Future In-Laws and Bridal Party Friction and Etiquette
[In reply to]
I agree with 'admin' you have said your piece and tried to smooth troubled waters, but now back away.
I hope that the bride can see how it would please her sister to include her boyfriend. It would be a pity if this was to cast a cloud over a lovely family wedding day. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 12, 2004, 10:27 AM
Post #4 of 4
(2851 views)
Re: [Joe] Siblings, Future In-Laws and Bridal Party Friction and Etiquette
[In reply to]
Dear Siblings...,
For Harriet to announce to Donna that she has a place in her wedding party for Derwood before the she is engaged is interesting.
As for the remainder of this dilemma, unfortunately it is very common. All too often, weddings can become an incredible power struggle. Just because you are a man does not mean that you cannot understand this (that was an interesting statement though--jeez).
Even though your sister Harriet would like to control the event, it is ultimately Donna's choice who to include in her wedding party. No one should be interfering in this. She may choose not to include any family, only friends, and that should be just fine. It is her wedding.
And... it will probably stress Donna even more if she knows that you and Harriet are fighting over this. Please do not allow this to wash over her. She will need to decide for herself, but thank you for trying to help her. Harriet does need a bit of a reality check.
Siblings, Future In-Laws and Bridal Party Friction and Etiquette
