I've got a huge problem that my sister and I don't get along at all. I've told my mum that I do not want my sister as part of my bridal party as we are not at all close, see each other approx. once a year and when we do, all we do is fight and argue. I don't want her to spoil my day as she never has anything nice to say to me, however mum says that she's very traditional and would be very hurt and upset if i didn't, and that it would also hurt my dad, and my sister. She spoke to my sister and apparently she is also upset by this. I just don't know what to do to handle the situation... I suggested to mum that my sister take a part in the wedding by doing a reading or something else, but i only want my 2 best friends as bridesmaids. If this doesn't get sorted out, i'm thinking of eloping as I can't deal with all of this hassle. I told mum that our wedding is a day which is all about us and what we want and what means something to us and is special, not about what tradition says it should be about. Also, this is my partners second wedding (my first) and he only wants a small occasion, which i also do (guests approx 20-30) and if i have 3 bridesmaids it'll look ridiculous. As you can tell i'm rather confused as to how to approach this. I've tried talking and reasoning but it doesn't seem to help. I would really appreciate any advice that anyone can give!!
I do agree that your wedding should be really special for you and your fiance but I might disagree with you a bit on the statement that this is totally YOUR DAY. Although this is certainly your wedding I think your family and their feelings should be considered as well. After all, they love you too and have been a part of your life since day one, right?
The idea that your sister have a part by doing a reading is a good one but how will this distance her from being a problem, more so than having her as a bridesmaid? Ask yourself if the hurt you are causing the family is worth whatever grief your sister could make for you during the planning process. If she were a bridesmaid (not the maid of honor) what issues are you afraid that she will bring? Discuss those issues with your mother and maybe she could warn your sister to behave herself. If your mum has your sister's respect maybe you could have your mum attend the fittings and whatever other events your sis will be involved with. This may cause you a bit of stress but you may find that you can endure just a short span of stress as opossed to a lifelong battle of hard feelings between all of you. Just give these ises a bit of thought.
By the way, having a small wedding does not mean three attendants would be too much...just MY opinion. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
I have to agree with 'admin' here. Yes, it is your day, but it is a family day too and there might well be years of bad-feelings if you dont take into consideration your mothers point of view.
Be generous - you can afford to be - after all you are the bride! Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
Sister/Family Problems
