Sons G/F is a Bridesmaid but he wants to break it off
My son has been dating his girlfriend over a year, so my daughter included her as a bridesmaid in her wedding.
She couldnt afford her dress so I (m.o.b.) bought it for her and also had it altered for her and bought her shoes. The wedding is 7 days away.
Now my son wants to break up with her. If he does, because he says he just cant wait, do we still have her in the wedding? It had been arranged for my son and her to walk together. He says he hates to tell her that she cant be in the wedding but he also hates to have all the pictures taken with her when he wants out of the relationship.
All the other bridesmaids are also paired with their significant others and want to walk with them, plus it would most likely be too painul for his soon to be ex to walk with someone else, as she does not want this breakup.
How do I handle this? Also if she still stays in the wedding after they break up, do I let her keep the dress and shoes I bought or do I keep them? I do have possesion of dress now and she has the shoes. She had said she wanted to re-use the dress after the wedding but some of the family thinks that would be inappropriate under the circumstances. What do I do?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 22, 2007, 12:54 PM
Post #2 of 6
(442 views)
Re: [MOTBRIDE] Sons G/F is a Bridesmaid but he wants to break it off
[In reply to]
I wish he didn't wait until 7 days before the wedding...sigh.
Has he spoken to his sister about his plans? How does she feel? It may be best for your son to ask his sister if she would prefer to have one less bridesmaid in the party (not a big deal) or if she would also hate to have this woman in her pictures if she'll no longer be in his life.
So, there really isn;t any etiquette specifically mentiining this issue so I'll offer my opinion. My gut says it would be best for your son to tell his girlfriend the truth as soon as possible. Of course, he should realize that he probably won't be able to change his mind once he strikes such a heavy blow so he'd better be sure this is what he wants.
The bridesmaid dress and shoes, as I see it, were a gift. If she chooses to return them, fine. If she doesn't, you were prepared to give her those items anyway. I wouldn't make a fuss. Theis couple wil already have so many other emotional issues to deal with. Why give them one more over a dress?
Please let us know how it all works out. And, to anyone reading this and making your bridal party list, try to ask only those you are close with to be a bridesmaid. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 22, 2007, 3:18 PM
Post #3 of 6
(439 views)
Re: [MOTBRIDE] Sons G/F is a Bridesmaid but he wants to break it off
[In reply to]
I agree. This is the bride's issue; she makes the final decision. Plus, it appears that the bridesmaid has done nothing to warrant being dropped from the wedding. So, it really isn't polite to ask her to step down unless it will be too awkward for her and the bride. Again, the bride decides.
She should not be pressured to make a decision either way--please.
The dress is hers and she can do whatever she wants to with it. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Sep 23, 2007, 9:37 AM
Post #4 of 6
(435 views)
Re: [MOTBRIDE] Sons G/F is a Bridesmaid but he wants to break it off
[In reply to]
I think it would be very mature of your son to talk to his soon-to-be ex girlfriend in advance, too. Decisions are being made for her now by many people, when she doesn't even know what's about to happen to her - that's going to create a lot more pain and embarrassment later. She may even let you off the hook and ask to be excused from the wedding. Her feelings should come into consideration, along with the bride's.
The dress and shoes do appear to have been a gift - it would be reasonable to expect her to keep them and do with them what she feels is appropriate. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
MOTBRIDE
Sep 24, 2007, 2:23 AM
Post #5 of 6
(427 views)
Re: [Weddings by Shayna] Sons G/F is a Bridesmaid but he wants to break it off
[In reply to]
Here is an update. Since my daughter, the bride, adores my sons g/f, as well as the rest of the entire family does too, she has decided that the g/f will remain a bridesmaid reguardless if they are "on or off".
It seems the closeness of the wedding has made the g/f more ready to be settling down herself, while it is turning my sons feet ice cold. The bride has told her brother to do what he has to do because she loves him and wants him happy but she also wants his g/f to remain in the wedding no matter what.
Based on the advice given here, the bride has also decided that no matter what happens between her bro and g/f that she wants her there and in all the pics because she chose her based on the friends they became and not just because she was dating her brother.
After we all pointed out TWQAdmin's advice that if he follows through with this break up at this time, it will most likely be irreversible, he has decided to let things ride and see how it goes over these next 6 days.
We are all biting our nails to see how this turns out.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 24, 2007, 8:38 AM
Post #6 of 6
(419 views)
Re: [MOTBRIDE] Sons G/F is a Bridesmaid but he wants to break it off
[In reply to]
I strongly encourage your son to have an honest discussion with his girlfriend now. Imagine what will happen if she finds out from someone else what is on his mind? Since many family members already know it is my opinion that he should let the girlfriend in on his feelings. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Sons G/F is a Bridesmaid but he wants to break it off
