Telling bridesmaid she's no longer in the wedding party
My husband and I have decided to have a wedding ceremony for our 1st anniversary. We got married by a Notary ( we dont have JOP here) 2 weeks before he deployed. I need advice on how to tell a friend of 7 yrs that she isnt the MOH, infact I dont want her in the main wedding party at all. She is going to be moving away in May, my ceremony is in Jan. 2006. She was ok in the beginning and then she started to treat my wedding as if it were her own. She even tried to get me to go w/ a different company for my bridesmaid dresses because she couldnt afford the company I had decided on. I picked the color and told the girls they would get to pick the style, thedresses ranged from $100-130. My mom told me to wait until she moves away to tell her, of course my mom was also happy to hear that I had decided not to have her in my party, she tends to try to steal the spot light a lot. I would appreciate any words of advice.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 9, 2005, 6:21 AM)
TWQadmin
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Mar 9, 2005, 6:23 AM
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Re: [marinewife12305] Telling bridesmaid she's no longer in the wedding party
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OK, I have a few questions for you before we offer any advice.
1. Has this woman already purchased her dress or had any expense with regard to your wedding?
2. Do you want to continue your freindship with her?
3. Do you want her to be an invited guest at your wedding but just not included in the bridal party? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
marinewife12305
Mar 9, 2005, 6:31 AM
Post #3 of 4
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Re: [TWQadmin] Telling bridesmaid she's no longer in the wedding party
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No, she has not purchased a dress or put any money into the wedding. Of course I want to continue my frienship with her, but although I have always been there for her (through her first child being born, her first marriage, her first divorce, her second child being born, her second marriage and soon to be her second divorce), she has not always been there for me. I want to include her as a guest at the party or give her a job other than being in the direct wedding party, but Im not sure that she is going to be able to come back down for my wedding (she is moving to Kansas). I also do not want her two young children (will be 5 &7 at time of wedding) running around like they don't have any sense (she's not too good at controlling her children.) When me and my husband were just engaged and talking about the wedding she automatically assumed she was the MOH I never asked her to be or told her she was.
(This post was
edited by marinewife12305 on Mar 9, 2005, 6:40 AM)
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Mar 9, 2005, 6:51 AM
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Re: [marinewife12305] Telling bridesmaid she's no longer in the wedding party
[In reply to]
Sounds like you need to have an honest talk with your friend. Let her know how you feel. Perhaps you could say something like, "I understand you are going through some hard times right now, with the second divorce and caring for 2 young children, so I think it would be best for you and for our friendship if you were not a part of my bridal party. Also, since you will be moving the distance will make it impossible for her to fulfill her duties as MOH. Let her know that you value her friendship and that you hope she can attend as a guest at your wedding, but that you will understand if financial concerns and distance will keep her from being there.
Above all, when you speak to her don't make anything you say be considered as a question. In other words rather than saying, "Is the dress too expensive?" say, "I know that the dress was too expensive for you at this time". Just make it sound as though all of the care and concern is for her well being as well as the health of your friendship and don't allow any room for her to argue that she can indeed do the job.
Best of luck. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Telling bridesmaid she's no longer in the wedding party
