While I have found some questions and answers related to this topic, I feel this situation is a little more specific.
About a year ago, my fiance and I were in a wedding. In fact, it was through this couple that we met. The then groom grew up with my fiance and I was fairly close to the bride for about 4 year. However, she turned into the very definition of a bridezilla and not only I but half of her bridesmaids (including her best friend of 14 years) do not associate with her anymore. The only times I have seen her in the past year is when my fiance wants to see her husband.
Now that our wedding is approaching, my fiance told me that he thinks the bridezilla expects to be in our wedding because her husband is and she introduced us. I don't understand how she can expect such a thing when I have made no effort to see her or talk to her in a year. Then, three weeks later (this past weekend), my fiance told me that when she said she thought she would be in the wedding, he told her of course!
I dislike her very much. I have already picked out and ordered my dress and the bridesmaid dresses. My wedding is in less than 4 months. What do I do? Anytime I try to talk to my fiance about it he goes on about how it'll hurt her feelings and she'll complain the whole evening and she's "family." But this is going to make me enjoy my wedding less! And I'm not including any of my family in the bridal party, only close friends! Even when she and I were friends, whenever we talked about weddings I always said I knew who would be my attendants and she was never on the list.
Do I have to grin and bear it? Do I have to call her up out of the blue and tell her where to get the dress and to get it asap because the deadline for ordering in time is next week? Or do I tell my fiance too bad, and he can call and tell her? My mom suggested I call her and ask her to be involved some other way without mentioning her expectations or my fiance's agreeing to them at all, but I think she'll see right through it.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Mar 26, 2008, 4:30 PM
Post #2 of 3
(300 views)
Re: [sacbride080908] Unchoosing a Bridesmaid I didn't choose
[In reply to]
You should only have those closest to you in your wedding. Your fiance doesn't get to choose your attendants. Since he spoke out of turn he will have to go back and make it right. He'll need to explain to this woman that he spoke out of turn and, unfortunately, you already have all of the attendants you need. He can use any excuse he wants such as:
1. The wedding is less formal and therefore less bridesmaids.
2. Bride has a large family and all sisters (cousins, etc) have been asked.
3. No excuse at all.
You get the idea. Bridesmaids should wait to be asked. Since she was out of line asking, putting your fiance in a tough spot, she'll have to be open to having her feelings hurt I suppose. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 26, 2008, 5:24 PM
Post #3 of 3
(298 views)
Re: [sacbride080908] Unchoosing a Bridesmaid I didn't choose
[In reply to]
I completely agree. And, you can express upon your fiance that it is your feelings that are more important here. You are the one he is marrying. Besides that, it wasn't appropriate for him to invite her to stand with you in the first place.
She already planned her wedding. She doesn't have the option of planning any part of yours, including stepping in as one of your attendants. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Unchoosing a Bridesmaid I didn't choose
