My roommate and I, from my freshman year of college, decided that we want to live together in a house for this second year of college. When my fiancee and I got engaged this summer, I could not think of anyone better than her to be my Maid of Honor. In August, when she and I moved into our house, I asked her and she excitedly agreed to be in the wedding. However, several months have passed now and she has decided that she doesn't want to live with me anymore. She said she doesn't want to have to schedule her weekends around me and my husband (he lives in another town and we only get to see each other on the weekends).
About a month before she told me she didn't want to live with me, we started drifting apart and now we aren't as good of friends and I don't want her to be my Maid of Honor, not even a bridesmaid. I don't know how to tell her that I don't want her to be in the wedding anymore, but I would still like her to be there. I realize she's not going to be happy and probably won't come if she's no longer a bridesmaid. I realize this will change our friendship, but I probably won't see her after she moves out. I also want someone in my wedding who I am very close to and who I will also see on a regular basis, but hadn't thought to ask her until now. The possibility of having two maid of honors is out of the question; I simply just do not want my roommate in the wedding. We haven't bought dresses or anything like that yet, but the wedding is in June!
How do I politely inform her that I don't want her in the wedding, but I still want her to be there? Even though she will be moving out in about 7 weeks, I don't want to make her mad and make my next 7 weeks of living with her a nightmare!!
(This post was
edited by FutureBride7891 on Mar 30, 2008, 8:12 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 30, 2008, 8:25 PM
Post #2 of 3
(390 views)
Re: [FutureBride7891] Uninvite maid of honor who is also my roommate!
[In reply to]
Dear FutureBride,
Well, it is true that you can't have it both ways. If you keep her as a MOH she most likely won't be upset. But, if you ask her to step down, most likely she will be upset. So, ask yourself what you want, her friendship or... .
You could mention to her that it seems that you two have drifted apart and ask her if she agrees that it may not make any sense for her to be your MOH. Then listen more than talk.
Also, you may want to ask yourself if marrying now is a great idea. Sorry, but I am also a mother and I can't help but state this observation. You mention that you are in your second year of college (stress and a lot of studying) and you will only see your husband on weekends. As a person of age and maybe not only wisdom, but mistakes, this doesn't seem to be the best mixture to a good beginning for a marriage. Please consider what is best for you.
Re: [FutureBride7891] Uninvite maid of honor who is also my roommate!
[In reply to]
I agree with Rebecca.
I would like to add, for the sake of future brides, to carefully consider who you ask to stand up for you in your bridal party. Only ask those closest to you and with whom you have a long standing, tried and true relationship. In other words, someone you're relatively sure will be in your life a year or longer from now. As evidenced here and in many other past posts, having to uninvite a friend from their role in your wedding can add much undue stress to an already stressful (but very happy) time in your life.
Now, I don't have all the facts and you haven't really asked us about your disagreement with this friend, but, from the facts that have been given, it seems to me that there is more to this story than meets the eye. I suspect that you may be too immature to marry now based on the way you have dealt with the roommate relationship. If you go forward with this marriage please consider getting some counseling to strengthen your relationship skills. If you were my daughter, I would suggest waiting until you complete your college experience before beginning a new, life altering commitment allowing you to grow and mature a bit more.
God bless all of you... Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Uninvite maid of honor who is also my roommate!
