My husbands stepbrother is getting married. My husband has a large family all brothers so the wedding party is large with lots of groomsmen. We are not close with the groom and have only met his fiance 2 or 3 times. My husband was asked to be in the wedding over 1 year ago. The wedding is in August. Last week his fiance calls and wants to know if I would mind being a bridesmaid. I assumed that she needed someone last minute to even out the bridal party. I said yes, and have rush ordered and paid in full for my bridesmaid dress. The dilemma is..... Yesterday I received an email from the maid of honor asking for me to pay 250.00 towards the bridal shower and a contribution towards a cash gift. I think that this is in poor taste considering that I was asked late, do not know the bride or her side of the family,was not involved at all in planning the shower and I think it is rude to ask for a cash gift. Am I obligated to pay this? Does agreeing to be a bridesmaid mean agreeing to everything? What should I do?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 9, 2005, 5:43 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 9, 2005, 2:25 PM
Post #2 of 5
(3410 views)
Re: [ratface] Last Minute bridesmaid
[In reply to]
Dear Last Minute,
This is a disturbing trend I have been noticing. I don't think people realize that the bridal shower is an option, that the MOH may offer to host it (not an obligation), and that the bridesmaids must agree to cohost it (pay for it).
Obviously, you were not asked and did not agree to spend $250 for a party. No, you are not obligated to pay for this. You decide if you want to contribute to a group gift also. A wedding should not be an excuse for extortion.
Re: [ratface] bridesmaid paying for bridal shower
[In reply to]
Hi there....I need advice on how to handle a situation. I am a bridesmaid in my friends wedding coming up in Sept. The MOH, which is the bride's sister in law, sent email's out to all 6 bridesmaids, TELLING, not asking all of us, that the Bridal Shower can be split 6 ways between the bridesmaids....and it's not just a "chip-in" thing....She wants it to be at Bucca De Beppo, at $17 a plate for 80 of the bride/grooms family. This meaning all bridesmaids HAVE to contribute $130 each! I was the only bridemaid stating that I cannot afford that ridiculous amount of money, seeing that I don't think it's the bridal party responsibility to host or pay for the Bridal Shower, but to have and host the Bachelorette party. I don't know what to do on this situation on paying $130 for the Bridal Shower. The sister in law stated to me in an email if Im not contributing to the Bridal Shower, than my $130 must go towards the bachelorette party. When I agreed to the Bride I was honored to be part of the Wedding, I didn't realized we'd be Paying for all of the Bridal Shower, postage for invites, and invites, and favors......Am i being rude on this......?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 27, 2005, 4:53 PM
Post #4 of 5
(3297 views)
Re: [mikayla] bridesmaid paying for bridal shower
[In reply to]
Dear Taken Advantage Of,
No, you are not rude. This entire situation is extremely rude behavior. Sorry, but it is.
This is another one of those mega gift grabs that I have been ranting about as of late. 80 guests??? That is not a shower; that is a reception--a badly executed one at that.
The MOH has no right to demand money from you. She may ask if you would like to assist with the hosting, but that is it. All of you should be consulted about the bachelorette party also. All of you should be able to have an equal input about what you can and cannot afford.
This probably is not the first time during this process that you have been asked to 'pay up'. But, it most likely won't be the last. You may have to discuss this with the bride and decide whether or not you wish to continue as a bridesmaid.
Re: [ratface] bridesmaid paying for bridal shower
[In reply to]
Thank-You very much on your honest reply...my husband said too, to contact the bride and discuss me withdrawing from the wedding as well. I just cannot believe the gall of the MOH, doing what she is doing. On top of that, this is the 2nd marriage for the bride.......the nerve ...
Thanks again, your advice really helped me and hopefully I will find and end to all this comotion!
bridesmaid paying for bridal shower
Thank-You very much on your honest reply...my husband said too, to contact the bride and discuss me withdrawing from the wedding as well. I just cannot believe the gall of the MOH, doing what she is doing. On top of that, this is the 2nd marriage for the bride.......the nerve ... 