i need some major help here. for starters i am the groom and i am in the national guard called up to duty in august. me and my fiancee were talking about getting married this year til i got called up. then we pushed it back til next year. i screwed up my ankle and am coming home in the next couple of weeks. my fiancee's best friend is thoroughly upset at me for not breaking up with her with i got called up and for me not being hand picked by her. the situation has gotten severely worse to include making mortal threats against our unborn children supposedly joking. so she is a bridesmaid in our wedding not by my choice. call me old school but being married is supposed to be something cherished and celebrated by everyone. so here is one of my questions, if her best friend has tried so hard to break us up why should she be at the wedding or in it? so my next question is, is my then wife is supposed to a maid of honor in her best friends wedding. her friend has like 5 bride'smaid and a maid and matron of honor. money is no object for her wedding. and won't have 2 matrons of honor. but her friend won't acknowledge the fact we're married. the extent of her effort to recognize our marriage is offering to compromise our marriage to use her as a maid of honor and hyphenating her last name. to me, its a slap in the face by her friend. and moreso, my fiancee isn't bothered by it saying its only words on a piece of paper. that she can't control what her friend does. and it was agreed before she and i got engaged. ok, that's fine, but her friend needs to adjust the bridal party to respect our marriage. so please help explain what needs to change on my end or hers. or what needs to be said to her friend. please help me. i want this marriage to work, but i can't sit back and compromise the value of our marriage or pretend we're not married.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 23, 2006, 10:12 AM
Post #2 of 3
(868 views)
Re: [del3483] issues with bridesmaid
[In reply to]
Dear Groom,
I'm sorry, but your post is difficult to understand. I had to read it several times and not sure I entirely understand it. You don't use any capital letters and I'm not sure where any of your sentences end. In fact, I think there are periods in the middle of sentences.
Besides teaching basic etiquette, I also teach business etiquette and have found that this could be a very big problem for you in the future. Please pick up a good book on grammar. There are many out there.
From what I can understand your problem is that your fiance has a girl friend who doesn't like you. She is a bridesmaids in your wedding and also getting married. You will be getting married first--I think. But, the girlfriend won't call your (by then) wife her matron of honor.
Is all of that correct? So, if that is correct, I will move on.
There is nothing you can do if your fiance is fine with all of this. However, to include someone in your wedding who clearly dislikes you is strange. Plus, if the friend wants to pretend that your (by then) wife is single, this is odd.
This is something you two should continue to discuss. If it bothers you and doesn't bother your fiance, then perhaps it is appropriate to wait until you two can see things in the same light.
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Feb 24, 2006, 2:44 PM
Post #3 of 3
(830 views)
Re: [del3483] issues with bridesmaid
[In reply to]
I would concur with the above reply.
You and your fiance need to discuss this and decide how "big of a deal" it is for her to stand up in her friend's wedding party (along with the hyphenated name); the underlying problem here is that her friend doesn't like you and you have no control over that. If your fiance chooses to be in her wedding as promised, that is her choice although you can certainly be honest with her about how this whole thing is making you feel.
As for her being in your wedding, this is a different situation and you and your fiance need to discuss this openly. It would understandably be very hard for you to have someone in the wedding party that openly dislikes you this much. You have to reach a decision that makes you both feel good about your wedding and the plans leading up to it.
Best of luck. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
issues with bridesmaid
