my relationship with bridesmaids is falling apart!!
3 of my 4 B.M.'s have only added stress to my wedding planning. They are my friend's and I love them dearly, but I am at my wit's end because of their irresponsibilty. I am having a destination wedding in Las Vegas in less than 3 months from now, and they still haven't gotten shoes. I told all of them they could choose their own attire as long as the dresses were the same color. Then, at least 2 of them decided they would all wear the same dress but didn't discuss this with the 4th B.M., my fiance's sister. M fiance's sister bought a dress after looking over some suggestions I, made. The other 3 were upset, but had no one to blame but themselves for not communicating in a timely manner. Then, the other 3 didn't even order their dresses until late january. The dresses don't arrive until April, and the wedding is in May!! Now, I'm afraid the same thing is going to happen with the shoes...I sent several emails to "the three" asking for urgency in the shoe matter. The M.O.H. has assured me it will be resolved in a week, but now I have gripes coming from the peanut gallery. On the friends is now disgruntled over the bridesmaids gift. My gift to them is 1 night stay in their hote room. This is in lieu of a traditional gift and luncheon. The M.O.H. has started dating someone seriously, so I offered her the same deal, one night stay in a room with her boyfriend. The disgruntled one is complaining that it is unfair and she is being"punished" for not being coupled with someone because I'm still paying for 1 night stay for her and the other friend to share. She claims the money isn't the issue but it not treating everyone the same. I'm very upset and don't know what to do. I wished I had never asked to be in my wedding right now, because I think this is very, very petty!! Anyone think I'm wrong or is there a way to make this more right?
Samantha
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 3, 2005, 5:19 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Mar 3, 2005, 1:19 PM
Post #2 of 4
(1422 views)
Re: [stnorris] my relationship with B.M.'s is falling apart!!
[In reply to]
Samantha:
Firstly, it is your responsibility to pay for all of the accomodations for your attendants; this should not be considered a gift.
In regard to your "shoe" issue, why don't you ask the maid of honor (or any of the maids) to take on the job of organizing the bridesmaids attire so you can be left out of the stress. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
stnorris
Mar 3, 2005, 1:36 PM
Post #3 of 4
(1419 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] my relationship with B.M.'s is falling apart!!
[In reply to]
I know traditiona calls for paying for all of the accomodations, but no wedding I've ever been in has anyone done that. The "gift" was agreed upon with the 3 girls. They all thought that was a fine gift and were more than agreeable. Everyone was advised upon acceptance of this position, they would be paying for their own rooms. That was 10 months before the wedding. In my opinion, the gift is what is not the dollar value attached to it.
I have talked with M.O.H. and she assures me the shoes will taken care of within a week, but I don't understand why can't pick up the phone and call or email the other bridesmaid to include her in the decision making process. I entrusted them with the responsibility to decide among themselves what attire what they would wear so they could purchase what they could afford and feel comfortable in, but I'm beginning to see I should not have done that.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 3, 2005, 5:20 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 3, 2005, 4:29 PM
Post #4 of 4
(1410 views)
Re: [stnorris] my relationship with bridesmaids is falling apart!!
[In reply to]
I'm sorry, but just because no one else has followed proper etiquette doesn't mean that you shouldn't. If you knew that you should cover their lodging, it shouldn't be considered a gift; plain and simple.
But, this is not the issue is it? The real problem is that you really didn't give them enough guidance. They need you to tell them what to do. Tell them the shoes that you want them to buy, where they can buy them, and make sure that they do.
The MOH states that she will take care of it within a week. If that doesn't happen, you will have to take charge. It is your wedding and you will have to make these decisions.
my relationship with bridesmaids is falling apart!!
3 of my 4 B.M.'s have only added stress to my wedding planning. They are my friend's and I love them dearly, but I am at my wit's end because of their irresponsibilty. I am having a destination wedding in Las Vegas in less than 3 months from now, and they still haven't gotten shoes. I told all of them they could choose their own attire as long as the dresses were the same color. Then, at least 2 of them decided they would all wear the same dress but didn't discuss this with the 4th B.M., my fiance's sister. M fiance's sister bought a dress after looking over some suggestions I, made. The other 3 were upset, but had no one to blame but themselves for not communicating in a timely manner. Then, the other 3 didn't even order their dresses until late january. The dresses don't arrive until April, and the wedding is in May!! Now, I'm afraid the same thing is going to happen with the shoes...I sent several emails to "the three" asking for urgency in the shoe matter. The M.O.H. has assured me it will be resolved in a week, but now I have gripes coming from the peanut gallery. On the friends is now disgruntled over the bridesmaids gift. My gift to them is 1 night stay in their hote room. This is in lieu of a traditional gift and luncheon. The M.O.H. has started dating someone seriously, so I offered her the same deal, one night stay in a room with her boyfriend. The disgruntled one is complaining that it is unfair and she is being"punished" for not being coupled with someone because I'm still paying for 1 night stay for her and the other friend to share. She claims the money isn't the issue but it not treating everyone the same. I'm very upset and don't know what to do. I wished I had never asked to be in my wedding right now, because I think this is very, very petty!! Anyone think I'm wrong or is there a way to make this more right? 
