My son is getting married soon and has step sister that neither he nor the bride are close to. His 2 half sisters are in the wedding. His step father feels his daughter should be in the wedding and it is a reflection on how the bride and groom feel about him.They both are close to him. He raised him and hardly ever sees his dad. He is doing the unity candle and not the father of the groom. Don't think she even cares about this. Has only attended one shower and was giftless and very late. He has really made it very difficult for mog for this wedding. Very childish. Should he be made aware of the fact that she has not attended anything?Who knows she will probably show up late for the wedding.I know it is Ok for the bride not to pick her. How does she convice him that is is Ok and it was her choice. She has been around her probably 15-20 times in the 4 years they dated. He has made the mog talk to the bride&groom about how angry he was and he practically insisted she be a bridesmaid.MOG and bride are close. Should she just leave it alone and hopefully everyone will enjoy wedding and nothing else said? What can she say to him, to let him know it is not a reflection on how they feel about him or her.MOG upset with him over this. This was brought up 2 months before wedding. Sorry so long!!
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Jan 24, 2007, 8:32 AM
Post #2 of 2
(439 views)
Re: [mog413] step sister in bridal party
[In reply to]
It's a bit confusing but I believe the main jist of it is that your son and bride to be both want his stepfather involved and don't want to hurt his feelings but he's expressing hurt as a result of their decision not to involved his daughter directly in the wedding party. It sounds also like the stepsister (his daughter) doesn't seem as invested in being in the wedding, as her Dad is on her behalf. In this case, it truly is just his feelings that they are concerned about so it becomes a matter of how willing they are to meet his needs. First of all its important for them to talk with him and explain of course, that this is in no way a slight of either of them merely the reality of choosing the people closest to them to be in their wedding party. If he chooses to remain upset and to believe what he wants to believe about the ways things are that is his choice and there is not much you can do about it. If there is a good relationship between your son and him, and this is handled in a sensitive and courteous way, hopefully the "money in the bank" that they have with respect to their relationship, will outweigh the impact of this recent decision, in terms of what happens with the relationship from here on in.
The other possibilty, is that they could consider finding a role for your stepdaughter to play, that is not integral, but that would symbolize that she is family and most of all this would hopefully allow him to see that this is not a matter of exclusion, and that along with having a wonderful wedding day, your son and his fiance are also willing to look at compromises and options that will facilitate healthy relationships in the family. This may not satisfy him either and it may not be an option for them, but it could be a middle of the road solution aimed at achieving a few ends.
Best of luck with this situation and remember if we do our best and consider all angles as well as people's feelings, we are really doing all we can. People still have the right to choose how to react to certain things and there isn't a whole lot more we can do about it except what we've discussed. If he chooses to stay angry and frustrated, don't take this on as your responsibility; just respect and accept where he's at and perhaps he will come around in time. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
step sister in bridal party
