Recently we hosted a destination wedding for our daughter and son-in-law with a reception that started at 8pm and continued to 1am. Of the 80+- guests, three are little boys between 3 and 5 years old. One is a guest's little boy and the other two are the groom's nephews who participated in the beachside wedding ceremony that started at 6:30pm and lasted about one-half hour. This was followed by an open bar cocktail hour while the wedding party/parents/family took sunset photos. Other than these three little ones, there were no other children at the wedding.
The reception was an elegant affair with open bar, music and dancing and we, as well as the resort, felt that it was better to provide a hotel room with two bonded nannies for the little guys during the adults-only reception and this was always the plan, dating back 12 months before the wedding. The groom informed his family of their desire to have an adults-only reception at least a half dozen times in those 12 months and I even reiterated the plan to his family two days prior to the ceremony. Our friends with one little boy loved the idea and were looking forward to an "adult" evening.
Well, you guessed it.... Wedding over, cocktail party came, photos taken and now time for the reception. The nannies came to get the three little boys to go to the hotel room where food, games and movies were planned and the groom's family made a despicable scene. The groom's father and mother, the grandparents to the little boys, became very confrontational and stated some nonsense that they "thought putting the little ones in the room was optional" though my son-in-law was adamant that he made the situation very clear many months before. The groom's mother was fuming during their abbreviated stay at the reception and, when she came over to the table designated for them and us, she blew out the candles on the table that were in front of her place setting..... and the brother, age 35, and sister, age 30, who are the parents to the two little boys, threw tantrums at the reception. It was such an embarrassing display for our wonderful son-in-law and my daughter was livid and told the shrewish mother-in-law to get control of her adult childrens' behavior or leave.
I am happy to say that most of the guests were having so much fun that they hardly noticed the classless antics of the groom's family. My wife and I decided to ignore their embarrassing antics and have the best time possible and we danced the night away with the other guests. The problem is that the shrew mother-in-law somehow feels that she and her family are deserving of some sort of apology. In fact, the opposite is true but she is trying to make the newlywed's lives miserable. This was something they knew about many months before but never brought the subject up, preferring the confrontation. We certainly were not going to give into their nonsense and refused to allow the little ones into the reception that was an inappropriate place for them anyhow. In the process of initially searching out venues for the wedding, most, if not all of the venues prohibit small children at receptions with alcohol and dancing.
So now our other daughter is recently engaged and, naturally, we want to know how to deal with this adults-only reception situation in the future. We did not think it appropriate to put "no kids" or "adults only" on the invitations and these people knew well in advance of the rule, but it would have been nice to be able to say to them "it was printed on the invitation... what part of adults only do you not understand". There is something about having everything in writing, though it seems odd to put on an invitation. Please advise?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Nov 30, 2007, 7:46 PM
Post #2 of 2
(719 views)
Re: [digger5269] Adults only reception
[In reply to]
Dear Digger,
Your daughter and her husband are somewhat to blame for the problem. They invited children to the wedding, so the children should have been invited to the reception. All, yes, all wedding guests are invited to the reception. So, if your daughter who is getting married soon wishes not to have children at her reception, she and her fiance would not list them on the invitations--very simple.
Adult only and no children is never written on invitations.
It wasn't polite to insist that children go with the nannies. It should have been an option. I do agree that they shouldn't have thrown a tantrum.
Adults only reception
