Another baby flower girl question--14 month old asked to be in wedding party
Hello! I've read the forum and I see that this question has been asked several times. My situation is hardly different, except for the fact that I'm not the bride & don't have control over the details. This day is 100% about my sister in law, and I want to do whatever it takes to make her happy.
My sister in law is getting married in a very informal wedding and has asked me to be her only bridesmaid & for my daughter to be her flower girl. My daughter will only be 14 months old at the time of her wedding & right now at 10 months she is just begining to stand.
My sister in law is very attached to my daughter; this was completely her idea. The ring bearer is an eight year old, by the way.
I told my sister in law that I wouldn't expect my daughter to be able to know what she's doing, let alone walk down the aisle throwing flowers at such a young age. She suggested that I escort her down the aisle with me, and either help her walk or carry her & help her throw the flowers. I don't know how much she will develop in the next 4 months, so its hard to know exactly what will happen. She's a smart little girl, but I think she's more likely to sit down and start eating the flowers than do what they want her to.
1) Is it inappropriate to have me as a bridesmaid carry the flower girl down the aisle & throw flowers for her? I don't have an ego issue, I just want to make sure its not a wrong thing or won't look weird in the pictures.
2) What will I do if my daughter begins crying during the ceremony? At this point, she still only accepts myself or my husband holding her--no one else, not even her grandma or aunt. Is it terrible manners to quickly leave the room if I'm in the bridal party? I want to avoid passing her off to my husband who will be attending as a guest only, because I don't want him to miss his only sister's hopefully only wedding. She's just a sweet little baby, I don't expect her to be perfect.
3) What happens if my daughter begins making noises, such as babbling or other happy noises? Is that something I need to address, or will people understand? My daughter LOVES being the center of attention and thrives on crowds, so I'm concerned she will get all happy and start squealing.
4) Are there any alternatives to saying no to my sister in law? I just want her to not only be happy & get her way, but to be happy with the results. My wedding wasn't everything I wanted it to be, but I want to help hers be wonderful.
Thanks and sorry its so long.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Oct 7, 2007, 10:08 AM
Post #2 of 6
(506 views)
Re: [Roses] Another baby flower girl question--14 month old asked to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
Babies tend to be unpredictable. Even the 8 year old may not do what's expected of him once he sees the crowd. As long all of you understand the fact that your daughter will probably cry, make sounds and noises like squealing and you may have disruptions in the service, picture taking and reception, I don't see an issue. Babies cannot be controlled so make sure your sister-in-law understands this. Be sure to discuss all of these "what ifs" ahead of time and come up with plans to alleviate possible problems. But remember, you may not be able to guess what the baby might do so, expect the unexpected and make sure that everyone is okay with the "not so perfect" wedding. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Oct 7, 2007, 11:04 AM
Post #3 of 6
(505 views)
Re: [Roses] Another baby flower girl question--14 month old asked to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
I agree with the unpredictability of the 14 month old and would honor your sister in law's wishes as long as she understands the possibilities. She is having an informal wedding, so i would the baby down the aisle and she may drop some flowers; all the better. Upon arrival at the altar, pass her to her father and allow the ceremony to go on. If she gets totally inconsolable, he can leave the service and allow you to remain in your honor position. Relax and enjoy both the bride and the baby. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 7, 2007, 3:02 PM
Post #4 of 6
(499 views)
Re: [Roses] Another baby flower girl question--14 month old asked to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
Re: [Roses] Another baby flower girl question--14 month old asked to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
I agree with the other responses in that babies are simply unpredictable, and if your S-I-L is prepared for there to be some baby-disruption, your fine doing what she's asked.
However, you've expressed quite a bit of anxiety about it, and if you truly don't want your husband to have to deal with the baby, you might want to consider super carefully what you agree to. As sole bridesmaid, you are going to have your hands a bit full anyway - it probably would be disruptive if you had to leave (assuming the noise/situation got that bad). If you feel you can't have your husband take her in that situation, consider (with you S-I-L) what's most important - that your daughter participate as a flower girl, or that you stand up for her on behalf of your family, including on behalf of your daughter.
Your other options would be to have her serve as an honorary flower girl - but forego the trip down the aisle with her so you can "attend" to the bride (she can still wear the pretty dress and pose for formal photos). You might consider bringing a babysitter just for the ceremony portion - she could stay in the ceremony, but would be able to take your daughter out of the room if it really became necessary without disrupting your husband. You have 4 months to acclimate her to a friend or family member enough that she can get through the ceremony - might be a good idea to start now.
I think the most caring and polite thing for you to do would be to sit down with your SIL and talk about how excited you are to participate, how much you value her day, and how you have concerns that you'd like to hear her opinion about. Once you figure out what she values most, the rest should fall into place easily.
Re: [Roses] Another baby flower girl question--14 month old asked to be in wedding party
[In reply to]
Thank you kindly for all your thoughts and advice. I appreciate your time & am planning to speak to my sister in law in detail about these contingencies.
Another baby flower girl question--14 month old asked to be in wedding party
