My fiance and I have been planning to have an adults-only wedding and reception. We have a married couple, both close friends, that will be serving as bridesmaid & groomsman and who have pretty much forced the issue of having their 3 year old daughter be the flower girl. We acquiesced and, as a result, are now inviting the child's grandparents to the wedding so that they can watch the child and take care of her after the ceremony.
Now, though, they are asking for the in-laws to stay and attend the reception and most recently, for the in-laws to be able to sit in the front row (with MY parents) so that they can take care of the flower girl, who they think will be unable to stand still for 20 min. during the ceremony. I think this request is totally unreasonable and that it shows that the daughter isn't quite old enough to do this. We don't want any children at the ceremony/reception anyhow and are being asked to accommodate this one. It's causing questions from other guests that are leaving their children behind and is beginning to cause a lot of tension. How do I say that we're going back to the original plan of no children at all and still keep these people as both friends and members of the bridal party? Is it acceptable to change course 5 mos. from the wedding?
Also, we have not purchased any dress/shoes/basket, etc. for the flower girl, so nothing is really lost and will, ultimately, be easier/less costly for everyone involved.
Thank you!
(This post was
edited by bridems on Jan 21, 2008, 12:10 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 21, 2008, 1:29 PM
Post #2 of 2
(304 views)
Re: [bridems] Can I back out of having a flower girl?
[In reply to]
Dear Bridems,
She is too young and most likely could act out due to all of the excitement.
If she is included, she would have to be invited to the reception along with the grandparents. All who attend and invited to the wedding are supposed to be invited to the reception.
It was not polite for your friends to insist on their child's involvement, grandparent's invitation, or their seating. Typically they wouldn't be seated as special, especially in the first row.
As long as they haven't purchased airline tickets for your event, it is appropriate to inform your friends that you really feel uncomfortable including children when not inviting any. You have time to change your plans. Plans change all the time for many reasons.
I don't know how you could present this to your friends besides to be honest and present it in a heartfelt manner. Perhaps bringing up the fact that most experts agree that she is too young and could become frightened may help. But, they just may bring up their reasons for wanting the grandparents again.
Can I back out of having a flower girl?
