My fiance and I are 4 weeks prior to our wedding and we have come across a problem.
We announced our engagement a year and a half ago to my finace's brother and sister-in-law and promptly asked his brother to be a groomsman and their son and daughter to be our ring bearer and flower girl. We explained to them at the time that we were going to have an evening formal reception in a castle (that frowns upon children b/c of the antiques there) and that we wanted their children in the wedding but did not want them at the reception. They informed us that they wanted to stay at our house and would be bringing their own babysitter to watch their children and their cousin's child (the cousin is also in the wedding).
Approximately 8 months ago my fiance's sister-in-law said it would be nice if their kids could come to the reception for a little while and then go back to the house. I explained that we didn't want kids at the reception and that it wouldn't be practical b/c the house was 45 min away from the reception cite. For the remaining months we have all talked about a babysitter and the babysitter coming to the rehearsal dinner and to the ceremony but not the reception.
Then 1 week ago my fiance's brother contacted him and said they didn't have a babysitter and their children (along w/ his cousins child b/c they were counting on my fiance's brother's babysitter) would have to come to the reception. My fiance and I contacted everyone we knew to find a babysitter who was responsible and trustworthy. We found one, my fiance's partner's friend for the past 20 years who is a neo-natal/delivery nurse (and has been so for the past 20 years) who would watch the children at the hotel 6 min from the reception so that the parents could check on the children at any time they wanted. We informed his brother that we had found a babysitter.
My fiance's brother responded . . . he said that babysitting was not the issue and that because his children were part of the bridal party that they should attend the ceremony and the reception, no matter what their age. They said that is was improper etiquette to exclude his children because they are in the bridal party.
Please help! My fiance and I feel that because we requested no children at the reception and that his brother has known about it for a year and a half that we should be able to tell him no and ask him to respect our wishes. Thanks.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 16, 2005, 2:49 PM
Post #2 of 2
(1114 views)
Re: [lsmedley] Flower Girl and Ring Bearer not at Reception
[In reply to]
Dear No Children,
In your case you have a good point. However, this is why I have repeated this so many times here, please do not include children in your wedding if no children are invited to the reception (or the wedding). They are a part of the bridal party and should be included in the reception. Plus, if one child is invited, everyone's child should be invited. It isn't nice to exclude some and include others.
This is neither here nor there in this instance. They had agreed to the scenario in advance of their children's inclusion. So, they really should respect the agreement now.
I don't know what you can do with this information though. All of this puts your finance' in a difficult position.
Flower Girl and Ring Bearer not at Reception
