Our children not invited to wedding but other kids were
My cousin (groom) is getting married next month. We were told it will be a no children wedding however, the groom's side will have 3 children present. Two will be the flower girl and ring bearer (groom's niece and nephew) and my daughter who will hand out song sheets in church. They have reasoned the inviting of these 3 kids to the bride's side (The are lots of children on her side - only 3 on grooms) to the fact that all 3 will be doing something in the wedding - standing up etc)
The bride and groom were aware that we were in the process of adopting a baby girl, which we duly did, and no mention was made of not bringing her to the wedding, however, we were blessed with adding an older child (8) year old boy to our family too...
We were then told no children again, which meant we had to explain to a 10 year old girl, why she could no longer be a part of the wedding...we were never contacted by the groom or bride but third hand through aunt and other cousin.
My mom (grooms aunt) is insisting she bring our daughter to be part of the wedding, our son is hurt because he already feels that he can't come because he was adopted, and our baby is not able to come either.
I really wish they had stuck to the no children rule they made and not invited our daughter to the wedding to begin with - we are faced with having to explain third hand to a little girl who went from being the only child to a family of 5, and to our son who feels he is to blame for the problem...(Unfortunately he was involved in the wedding plans, because his sister told him how excited she was, and how much fun they will have at the wedding before we were told no-one can come,) My husband feels our eldest should not attend if her brother can't come. My aunt wants us to attend and get a sitter for all the kids, which had my eldest in tears, and my husband refusing because legally we are not allowed to leave our son with anyone until his adoption is final.
My family is annoyed because we have decided to not attend (no sitter). If we were to attend, the family is insisiting we bring our daughter and leave our son and baby.
My children have faced so much rejection in their short lives, I really don't want to attend and leave my two other children at home...
Please help
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 18, 2008, 6:53 PM)
Firstly, congratulations on your new additions to the family!
This is a situation fraught with emotion so before doing anything think long and hard, although it sounds to me as if you are already doing this.
Please speak to your cousin and ask if there is any way your he could include your new son in the bridal party. Be sure to explain the extenuating circumstances and be clear that you are not just being demanding but are considering the feelings of a 10 year old boy whom, I can only assume, has had some rejection issues already in his short life. I would like to think that no one could have hard feelings if this boy is to be invited to join the bridal party. If your cousin is willing then maybe he could let all of the other relatives with children know the story. Anyone with a heart will understand. Those that don't...well... Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Good ideas, Wedding Queen. I would add, also, that your children are more important than attending a wedding. And, you are correct in thinking that adopted children have separation issues. If you decide to stay home, perhaps all of you could do something special together. Hopefully, this way your new son will feel as if all of this is not his fault. ...breaks my heart.
You are so right--they should have kept to the 'no children rule' rather than involving a few, then none.
Thank you both for your quick and honest replies. We are going to stay home and I think we may just take the children to Sea World!! They have both asked about feeding the dolphins, and it is about a 2 hour drive from us.
I wish it were possible to speak to my cousin about bringing all the children, however, I don't want the bride to be annoyed or her family hurt because their children can't attend.
Perhaps others reading this will see that if you have a no children rule, it is better not to invite any...
My children will love you both for your replies - Sea World will be "Way Cooler" to them.
You really should have an honest discussion with your cousin and let him know the reasons why you must back out now. I am sure he will miss having you there but at least he might have a shot at understanding why you can't attend. Otherwose they may think you're just having a tantrum.
Have a blast at SeaWorld! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Our children not invited to wedding but other kids were
