My fiance and I got engaged about the same time as one of his best friends, let's call him Ralph. They both asked each other to be in each other's weddings. Since then, they have hung out, gone to parties, emailed wedding ideas and remained close friends. My fiance has helped Ralph out on numerous occassions with wedding issues. However, any time my fiance brought up the actual wedding party, he didn't get much of an answer. Yesterday he asked Ralph about getting tuxes and Ralph said they were going Sunday but that my fiance didn't need to come anymore because one of the maids had dropped out of the wedding, so in the interest of keeping things even my fiance was out of the wedding. Plus, my fiance was the only one in the wedding who wasn't paired up with his significant other in the bridal party. It seems that everyone in the wedding party is actually linked up with the person they are dating right now. My fiance feels bad because he was kicked out of his friend's wedding and there are people in the wedding who aren't even friends with the couple but are solely in it because they are dating friends of the couple. Is that even normal?
My question is really - how rude is it that they kicked him out for a balance reason? Also, my fiance feels uncomfortable now even attending but we already had RSVP'd we would - so are we stuck? He just got a call asking him to pitch in $250 for the bachelor party which I think is absolutely ridiculous. They don't want him in the wedding but the best man still wants his $250? I am not that worried about making Ralph upset to the point where he doesn't want to be in our wedding - we don't care about uneven numbers.
I just needed to vent about this! Thanks for reading.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 7, 2007, 9:54 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Jul 7, 2007, 10:02 AM
Post #2 of 3
(993 views)
Re: [jmskit] Groomsman kicked out of wedding party
[In reply to]
With only the information you provided it seems to me that the groom should have been more forthcoming with the information and, although he never should have asked your fiance to step down, if that was his intention he probably should have been man enough to speak to him about it. My sense is that there is more to this story.
However, he is out of the wedding so - what to do? You have already accepted the wedding invitation so you really should attend since backing out now could look petty and is really impolite (which is the issue you're complaining about with your friend).
The pre-wedding parties are totally optional so your fiance can choose to go, or not go. If he wants to attend out of loyalty to his friend he should. The expense should not enter into the equation (unless it is out of your budget and will break the bank) since we know that these bachelor and bachelorette parties are the only pre-wedding parties where the guests, all guests, are expected to pay.
The bottom line should be:
1. Do I love my friend and want to keep the relationship.
2. Can I afford the $250 expense of the bachelor party.
Whatever he chooses, he probably would benefit by having a frank discussion with his friend about his feelings. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 8, 2007, 4:44 PM
Post #3 of 3
(963 views)
Re: [jmskit] Groomsman kicked out of wedding party
[In reply to]
I agree. I do consider the way the friend handled all of this was rude, impersonal, and dismissive. But, I agree that it does sound as if there is more to the story. Weddings can be stressful and there can be a lot of compromising. This could be one of those cases. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Groomsman kicked out of wedding party
