Hello I really need help with this i am planning on getting married aug. 25th 2007 and we have selected our wedding parties already. we have 5 groomsmen and five bridesmaids. My fiancee chose to include my sister as one of her bridesmaids because she doesn't have any sisters and has three brothers, however i have decided not to ask her brothers to be part of my party because i wanted to be surrounded by my closest friends on this day. However my future mother-in-law has become very upset and got on her case about me not having them in the party, i think her reaction is also related to the fact that my fiancee told them that we have decided not to get married in the catholic church because they label us as inter faith, since i am lutheran and don't plan on converting. My future mother-in-law has threatened to cancel the wedding and not help if we don't do what she wants, I think this is wrong for her to try to dictate what we would like to do. She also has not approached me personally and has chose to place my fiancee in the middle, I figure if she has a problem with me she should address me directly. have i mad e a huge mistake or is she making unfair demands?
If she is paying, she may feel that it is her event to plan as she wishes. The fact is that you and your fiancee are financially responsible for your wedding. Anything she offers is a gift. But, she doesn't know this. Perhaps it would be better if you two paid for your wedding and then it could be the wedding you want.
It is not mandatory for you to include her brothers, but if it keeps the peace it is a small price to pay. Plus, your attendants don't have to be equal on both sides.
Her mother really should be speaking to her daughter about these problems. It is the same as if you didn't like some of the planning. You wouldn't go directly to her mother because it could cause a problem between the two of you. Your fiancee would speak to her.
Finally, the Catholic church may not recognize your wedding unless it is held in the Catholic church. This may be another reason the mother is upset.
It is best to find out her reasoning and better still to host your own wedding. Then you will have the wedding you want.
Regarding your wedding party, while it is nice to include each others' siblings in it, it isn't obligatory to do so. I think the assumption was that since your fiance was including your sister, that you would include her brothers. If you want to keep the peace, you could have her brothers be ushers, or serve in some other special capacity in the wedding.
As for your future mother in law and her demands, she is going to talk to your bride because that is her daughter. What I recommend is that you and your fiance discuss what your strategy is going to be. By that, I mean if the two of you feel that she is making unrealistic demands, then the two of you might have to be prepared for her to pull out of any financial support and foot the wedding bill yourselves. Allow the fiance to talk to her mother but it would be nice if you could be supportive of her while she does it. Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
(This post was
edited by expertplanner on Dec 1, 2006, 2:12 PM)
Groomsmen dilemma
