I have taken great pains to minimize the costs for the groomsmen, infact they are incurring no costs at all to take part. They are also the closest relatives to me and my fiance (my brother, my fiance's bro & BIL), we decide to keep things small and not involve friends.
All of the groomsmen own their own tuxedos and all but one reside in the same town where the wedding is taking place. (My fiance's sister and her husband live out of town and would attend regardless of their involvement in the wedding).
In the 2 weddings I have been a groomsman one did not give gifts, the other all groomsmen received the same gift, a personalized pen valued at ~$30. It is not the price but the thought that counts and I personally do not believe in giving groomsmen gifts, my future MIL insists I do, so my plan was to get a small token personalized accessory (keychain, pen money clip etc).
My MIL recently insisted that I must spend at least $50 each on a gift for her son and SIL especially since her SIL is coming from out of town and if I don't want to incur such expense she will get them what she deems appropriate (ipods!!!). She has not indicated whether she will get my brother a gift (and such a gift would be of little value as he has one) and I insisted that it is the grooms place to get the gifts for his groomsmen and they should all be of equal value as all the groomsmen are of equal importance to me.
I don't want to offend anyone but I think my future MIL is out of place. Help!!!
I always say, gifts should come from the heart. You should choose a gift appropriate for the person and not based on any equation such as what that person gave to you in the past or the cost of a meal at a reception - silly.
Where is your groom in all of this? he should be speaking to his mother, letting her know in a loving manner that you and he are planning this wedding according to proper etiquette so she need not worry. Depending on his relationship with his mother, he should be able to tell her that he does not want her to be buying gifts for any members of the bridal party or your wedding guests since that could cause you embarrassment. Hopefully, with her son explaining it calm and rationally, she will understand and remove herself, allowing the two of you to plan the wedding according to what you know is right. Maybehave a few pages marked off in a wedding etiquette book to back him up.
Remember that you'll want to tread lightly since these people will be your family soon.
Good luck with all of the planning. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Groomsmen's Gifts
