Hi, my wedding is in 8 months, and we have already been engaged for 6 months. I have already asked my two brothers as well as four close friends to be my groomsmen. Likewise, my fiance has already chosen her bridesmaids, one of which is my sister, 3 of which are her friends, and the final 2 are her sisters. She has asked both her sisters to be her maids of honor (really, one maid of honor and one matron of honor, as one is married and one is divorced). I have not yet chosen my best man, but was leaning towards one of my best friends. We are both happy with 6 members on each side of the wedding party, and want to keep it that way.
Just last night, however, my mother informed me that my father was confused and disappointed that I had not asked him to be the best man (and I think she was upset as well). I love my dad, but I had not really considered asking him to be in the wedding party, and besides I thought my mom and dad would enjoy the wedding more getting to sit together during the ceremony. My father is also not one for speeches or partying and I can't imagine him planning (or attending for that matter!) the bachelor party. And frankly I would be worried about him taking care of the other details that a best man is in charge of as well.
My mother tried to argue that it is tradition for the father to be the best man. I have scoured the internet today looking for proof of this, and have not found it anywhere. I have also been to probably a dozen weddings over the past three or four years and I only recall the father being in the wedding party twice, and only one of those times was he the best man.
I didn't sleep a bit last night stressing about this, as I don't want to disappoint him. We weren't that close when I was growing up, but our relationship has become a lot closer since I graduated college six years ago. The easy thing would be to add him as a groosman, but that would mess up the "6 on each side" that my fiance and I agreed to and she would not be happy with this (I have already asked her). And I honestly don't want to have him as the best man... while I might not have been opposed to it originally if it had been my idea, I decided what I decided when i chose my groosmen and now I feel like if I obey my parents' wishes I will resent the decision b/c it will not be what I wanted and it will be a mark on the day.
Is this a tradition (I am definitely a traditionalist!) and am I violating it by not including my father as the best man? Or are my parents getting upset over nothing and just need to understand my reasoning and repect my decision?
Thanks!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Apr 17, 2006, 6:24 PM
Post #2 of 3
(901 views)
Re: [semaj96] Mother insisting that father be best man
[In reply to]
I know of no tradition where the father of the groom is the best man. Select the person you feel fomfortable with and express your feelings to your parents. Your father will still have a place in the wedding as the honored father of the groom.
By the way, a divorced woman is still considered a matron and not a maid of honor. Only those women never married are maids. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Apr 18, 2006, 1:58 PM
Post #3 of 3
(885 views)
Re: [semaj96] Mother insisting that father be best man
[In reply to]
I completely agree on all accounts. I hear of some small areas where this is 'traditional', but it is definitely not mainstream or is it in etiquette books (that I know of).
Plus, please don't include him as a groomsman. Even though your attendants do not have to be equal on both sides, it is a slap in the face for a father to be a groomsman and not the best man. If given any type of attendant role, he would have to be number one.
It is probably best, as the Wedding Queen suggests, for him to be in the honored role of your father.
Mother insisting that father be best man
