I apologize in advance for the length of the post. My boyfriend was recently asked to be in a wedding for some friends of ours. He was acquainted with the groom prior to his engagement, but he says they were not close. The groom and his fiancée recently moved to the area and we've been seeing more of them during the past months, however we haven't really spent enough time with them to consider them close friends. They couldn't reach the man they had chosen as a groomsman, so at the last minute they've asked him to fill in as a groomsman. We were both suprised and we weren't really even sure if they were definitely asking, but they've since confirmed that they would like him to be in the wedding. We hadn't even planned on attending because it is going to be held so far away. He is now responsible for a gift, the cost of the tuxedo and accessories rental, and the cost of the flight, hotel, and car rental that will be necessary to attend the wedding. The bride and groom have not made any arrangements for lodging for out of state guests or bridal party member and they have already said they won't be able to provide any transportation once we arrive for the wedding. We don't know how to approach them regarding these high costs. The bride is a high-stress person and is easily offended, and we worry that we may lose their friendship over it. We definitely don't want to hurt their feelings. My boyfriend and I have already agreed that we're going to have to give up a much-needed romantic weekend trip we were planning in order to pay for it. Any advice? As a side note, is it necessary to purchase a gift for the wedding if you've already given a gift at the shower? Thanks!
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Jan 24, 2005, 6:54 PM
Post #2 of 3
(1285 views)
Re: [A Bit Bitter] Out-of-state groomsman
[In reply to]
Dear Out of State,
When you accept the invitation to be in the bridal party, you accept the expenses involved also. My suggestion would be to let the groom know your financial restrictions and ask to be excused from the responsibility. Otherwise, skip the romantic weekend. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 24, 2005, 7:04 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 24, 2005, 7:12 PM
Post #3 of 3
(1275 views)
Re: [A Bit Bitter] Out-of-state groomsman
[In reply to]
Dear Out of State,
I agree. If you agree to the invite you agree to pay.
Usually if you are an attendant, you buy a wedding and shower gift. But, one could be a joint gift with the other attendants.
It would make it very easy to back out since you were asked at the last minute and couldn't think it through as the other groomsmen did. ... just helping you with an excuse if you needed it.
Out-of-state groomsman
