Wife no longer a bridesmaid - should husband attend wedding?
Dear Wedding Ettiquettes
My only brother-in-law is getting married next month. We have known about the wedding for about a year. I understood initially that the marrying couple had wanted my wife (as a bridesmaid) and my 2 children (as ring-bearers) in the wedding. But just a week or so ago I found out that my wife and children are no longer in the wedding because my wife decided that she did not want to be a participant in the wedding—and now I feel like this whole problem was because of me although unbeknownst to me.
More facts: Wedding party includes 3 groomsmen and 9 bridemaids. Fiancee’s brother and sister in law are both in the wedding(Groomsman and Bridesmaid). So I believe my wife asked him (surreptitiously) to include me in the wedding as a groomsmen but he declined and therefore she decided not to participate in the wedding as a bridesmaid. And at some point, my brother-in-law told my wife that the children “must” behave to which my wife could not provide a guarantee, since they are only 5 and 7 yrs old and therefore they are also excluded from participating in the wedding. I feel somehow I caused all these problems and now I feel like my wife does not want me to attend the wedding as everybody or most people present at the wedding know the whole story. I feel really awkward about this whole affair, as I love my in laws and would not want to disappoint them. For me, I really don’t care if I am in the wedding or not, it is up to the groom to decide and I just hope that the wedding is wonderful. But somehow I feel that because of me this whole thing is creating a negative environment.
My delimma: If I don’t go to the wedding, my in-laws will be disappointed? What should I do?
LostAmI
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 10, 2009, 11:36 AM)
Etiquette Now
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Re: Wife no longer a bridesmaid - should husband attend wedding?
[In reply to]
Dear LostAmI,
Honestly, I don't see where you are responsible for any of this. And, it wasn't unreasonable for the groom to state that the children must behave. Although, I do understand that it would be difficult to guarantee. But, the children should behave and not run around. It isn't unreasonable to want or expect it. So, from my vantage point, which is quite a distance away from all sides of this issue, it appears to me that it would be best for your wife to relax a bit and look at this from their prospective. They didn't need to include any of you. For her to expect the groom to include you, wasn't fair.
Where does that leave you? It must be difficult. But, I feel that it would be best to discuss this with her and try to help her realize that this is their wedding and they should be able to plan it themselves. And, they should be able to request from family members that their children behave when they are playing a part in the wedding.
Not attending the wedding is your decision. But, you are first her husband. So, it is part of your "job" to be supportive. It may help to mention that if you both refuse to attend, people will still talk. It just may make this whole issue worse.
I hope this all plays out in a positive manner! Good luck!
Wife no longer a bridesmaid - should husband attend wedding?
