My fiance and I are still in very early planning stages and no one's been asked. We are getting married in a year to two years, probably in fall of 2008. I graduate with my BA in May 2008.
I (the bride) am currently going to an all woman's college and have two sisters and no brothers. I plan on having several bridesmaids. As often happens at all women's colleges, I know I have made many life long friends. Also, my fiance has a sister that we might ask. So we'll probably have 6 female attendants.
My fiance also has no brothers (one sister). His best friend is his uncle, and we've informally agreed he'll be best man (assuming he'll accept and there's no reason he wouldn't). My brother-in-law (older sister's husband) could be another. But then I'm not sure about the rest. I know unevenness is not bad, but two groomsmen to six bridesmaids seem silly. But I have so many women that are near and dear to me.
I could ask my uncles to stand up, but none of their wives, my aunts, would be bridesmaids. Plus, my fiance is 29 (will be 30 or 31 when we marry) and I am 21 (will be 22-23) and maybe I'm being silly but if all the guys on his side are older, wouldn't it draw attention to our age difference? Also, all my bridesmaids will be between 19-25.
Another groomsman to consider is my younger sister's serious boyfriend. I introduced the two of them. He goes to my church. They've been dating for almost a year and a half. I won't be asking anyone to be attendants for at least three months, however I wonder if it's weird to ask him to be a groomsman. Even though I knew him before they started dating, we weren't very close and if they break up I know I'd not want him to be in the party anymore. Then again, my very commitment-phobic sister who said she wouldn't date until she was done with grad school, did tell him that if in two years they are still together she would "not freak out" if he proposed. My parents love him and he met the extended family at my sister's wedding and has been "approved." But it IS a wedding and I also don't want my sister to feel.... committment pressure?
So basically I'm asking, based on this information, what you think my groomsman choices should be? I don't want the sides to be more than two people uneven (so at least four groomsmen).
Oh, and just so you know my fiance is very laidback and is more delighted that I'll be his wife than caring how it happens. He's happy at the idea that his uncle will be his best man, and doesn't really care about the rest of it. So I'm not usurping the role of picking his groomsmen.
(this is going to be a traditional, big church wedding and I don't want girls on his side or guys on mine. I thought about his sister being an attendant for him but don't like the idea. And they're not very close, so she might not be mine either).
I know this opinion, not ettiquette, (been looking through your site!) but I'd value your opinion. Plus I think all the guys being older might fall, strangely, into ettiquette since ettiquette is all about making everyone feel comfortable and my family is skeptical about our age difference.
The groomsmen should be chosen by the groom. The same as your attendants should be chosen by you. Wedding attendants are selected because of their closeness to the either the bride or groom, regardless of age. So, what I recommend is that you let your groom choose who he wants for his groomsmen.
And, you do not have to have equal numbers of attendants. Again, it is about who you are close to.
Cheers! Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
I couldn't agree more. Plus, give this some time. Things change. Wait and allow time to help both of you make these decisions.
Also, one thing to consider, the number of attendants is usually an indication of formality and number of guests. The more formal a wedding the more guests and the more attendants. If yours is less formal and under 150 guests, you may not want 6 attendants. But, this is becoming more of a personal choice these days. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
We're months away from asking anyone so we're just hashing out possibilities. If I told him "I want six bridesmaids, so who can we use as groomsmen?" he'd say "who do you want to use?"
He was surprised that I wanted him to have more than ten guests on his guest list. He's the extreme "it's about the bride" groom-- not because of lack of interest, I think, but I think he just needs coaxing from me I won't feel it upsets my plans to have his input!
He did pick his uncle. I said "is your uncle going to be your best man?" and he smiled and said "yeah, he'd like that." I'm not trying to be bridezilla.
He has no college friends, no brothers, no close cousins. If he comes up with one, we'll welcome them. But I doubt he will, so I was asking-- and am asking if you guys choose to answer my question-- of the possibilities I was "hashing" what seems reasonable?
And since I have about fifteen close friends and two sisters, I really can't imagine having less than five to six bridesmaids.
Eric wants me to have the wedding I want (reasonably priced, and I'm a penny pinching crafty girl so that shouldn't be hard) so I KNOW he's fine with this.
In reality, for us as a couple, it's our attendants, at our wedding. I can tell that's how he sees it. And as far as groomsmen duties outside of the ceremony, I am sure his uncle (the seasoned bachelor himself) will do them handsomely and the other groomsmen could choose to participate or not and Eric and his uncle will still have a great time.
Once again this is way too early and things may change quite a bit. Your sister may have a different boy friend by then. But, any of these people could stand with your fiance. If he wants your uncles, your aunts don't need to be attendants as well. It is common to only ask one spouse. Your brother in law could join the team as well. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
groomsmen choices
Also, all my bridesmaids will be between 19-25. 
