I wrote awhile ago about an issue with the cost of the shower I am helping plan, which you were very helpful with. Now I have a new issue with something the other two bridesmaids are planning, but I have been unsuccessful in changing their minds. I was curious what you would say about this issue, but was not able to find a question that fits.
The bride to be is a recovering alcoholic. She is having a no-alcohol reception, partly due to this. I feel that it makes no sense to have alcohol at a shower anyway, but I understand that the traditions in VT (where I live) are much different then they are in MA, (where the shower/wedding is). I think that there is no reason to serve alcohol for a 2:00 PM tea party, which is the theme we are using for her shower, at her request. The other two girls seem to think we must serve some type of alcohol punch as well as wine. In my opinion, we should honor the guest of honor, and not include alcohol. They say she won't mind, but I know she isn't entirely honest with people who really like to drink, because she doesn't want them to feel they can't do as they please in her company.
I agree that there is no need for alcohol at an afternoon shower, especially when tea is the theme. Even more important is to be respectful of the bride. This is supposed to be a party in 'honor' of her. If she is a recovering alcoholic, there should be no alcohol.
I agree with you. It is all about respect and consideration.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Alcohol at a Shower?
[In reply to]
Since you were kind enough to help work out some of our issues, I thought I would give a report of how this shower ended up going. Let it be used as an example of how not to throw a shower. Your advise was solid, I just wish these ladies would have listened to it.
To start, they called the bride and asked her specifically if she minded an alcoholic punch at the shower, and of course she said it wouldn't bother her. By the way only three glasses were taken of this punch, two by the other two bridesmaids, and one by a guest who left half of it on the counter when she left.
We left the bridesmaid who was hosting in her home with the responsibility of getting the bride there, since we felt it made the most sense for her to find a reason for her to come over. Her plan fell through, and the bride was 1 hour 45 minutes late to her own shower! The bridesmaid hosting had a death in the family that week, and had to get to a wake. They literally gave her a plate of food, and basically threw the gifts at her to open. They even started loading her car with gifts and left over food, while she finished opening the gifts. We bought her a nice (but not name brand) tea set as a group gift, and while she was opening it, one of the guests yelled out "What is it Lenox?", so of course the bride looked on the bottom, and all that was there was a stock number, so she said "111?" I was horrified and shocked by all of it.
I can't say the bride was overly gracious either. She only said thank you twice, and that was for gifts that were obviously more than $100-$150 a piece. The only other things she said were "I didn't register for this.", and "Oh, thats unusual.". She did mention that it was nice of me to drive six hours one day to help throw the shower, but she didn't thank me for any of the work I did. The other two bridesmaids ordered food (they insisted on catering), and picked up drinks and decorations (which barely existed). It was supposed to be a tea party, and the tea was in a corner, unnoticed and barely mentioned.
I designed, printed, and mailed the invitations, ordered mini tea pots for favors, made personalized tea bag casings and put tea in each, wrapped the favors in netting and attached the tea casing to each with a ribbon, and I ordered and transported the cake three hours. Ok, I sound like I am tooting my own horn here, but I spent a lot of time on this shower, and nobody cared.
Am I really this rude and tacky person these people made me feel like.... or are they in the wrong?
I don't think you are tacky or rude. I do think some didn't know what this was supposed to be though. Everyone should have been on board. But, in any case, it appears that the bride didn't know what this was supposed to be either. These gifts were supposed to be less expensive than wedding gifts and a registry is only a guide line. And, she is supposed to at least appear to be thankful.
It would have been better if this was the small, intimate shower it was supposed to be. The bride knew she was receiving a shower, so there shouldn't have been a problem getting her there on time. Guests shouldn't have to wait that long. They already bought way too much for her as it was.
Oh well. This is a classic example of why showers are going gift-less. Thank you for sharing. This is sure to help others.
And, maybe you should be a party planner :) Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Not only was this bride terribly rude (and sounds so typically entitled) but the guest who shouted out asking about the labeled china was beyond crass. You sound like a wonderful young woman - just consider yourself fortunate that you were raised properly. If your mom is around, Mother's Day might be a good day to say thanks - or say it to whomever raised you. They obviously did a great job.
I feel bad for you and am glad we could give you a platform to vent. As you mentioned, hopefully your story will help others. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Alcohol at a Shower?
